If you're British and you know it, say "malted barley"

Rice Krispie treats should be illegal. Letting 16 year old people use the microwave should be outlawed too. But that’s for a totally different reason that I’m not going to go into. Ok you forced it out of me. I stuck something in the microwave that I was 100% sure didn’t have metal on it, aaanndndd apparently it did have some metal on it, and it started to spark and almost blew the whole house up. Not really. It only lit up a bit and I screamed like a maniac and turned off the microwave. The end. Wasn’t that a riveting story? I’ll tell it again later.

If you’ve never made Rice Krispie treats, walk away from the computer now and go make them. Do it. Now. Why are you still here?! Oh, you want the recipe? Fine, I’ll give it to you, but only because it doesn’t give it to you on the rice krispie box or the marshmallow bag. *insert sarcasm. and not very funny sarcasm at that*

Rice Krispie treats have to be an American thing. I mean, first off, crispy is spelled with a “k” and an “ie”. And also the only ingredients are butter, marshmallows, and puffed rice. That doesn’t sound like anything non-Americans would want to eat, am I right?

To make these delicious treats gluten free, you’ll have to buy Gluten Free Rice Krispies. You’d think that regular Rice Krispies would be gluten free, but nooooooo. They contain malted barley. Speaking of, have you ever heard a British guy try to say “malted barley” with an American accent? I have. I’m not even going to go into why he was saying malted barley, but it was amazing. Reason number 5 bazillion why I love the English. Seriously. Wow, that was a great story too. I’m just in prime storytelling-mode tonight.

So back to making these Rice Krispie treats. First step? Take 3 tablespoons of butter and stick it in a bowl.

Oh butter, where art thou? Oops, you’re covered by nearly a pound of marshmallows.

Stick it in the microwave (MAKE SURE YOUR BOWL ISN’T MADE OF METAL), and melt until…melty? Then add rice krispies. Also, take really cool pictures of yourself pouring rice krispies into the marshmallow/butter mixture. It’s really fun.

Dump the mixture into a 9×13 pan coated with cooking spray. That can’t be healthy. Actually, all of this can’t be healthy…

Then, spread out the mixture with a buttered spatula. You heard me right. Buttered spatula. So basically, I used a cooking utensil coated with butter to push down a food consisting of butter, calorie-filled puffed air, and rice lacking malted barley? Yum.

And then go find someone from England and tell them you’ll give them a rice krispie treat if they attempt to say “malted barley” with an American accent. It’s hilarious, believe me.

Rice Krispie Treats

3 tablespoons  butter
1 package (10 oz., about 40)  regular marshmallows
- OR -
4 cups miniature marshmallows
6 cups Rice Krispies

STOVETOP DIRECTIONS:
In large saucepan, melt butter over low heat. Add marshmallows and stir until completely melted. Remove from heat.

Add rice krispies cereal. Stir until well coated.

Use buttered spatula to evenly press mixture into 9×13 inch pan coated with cooking spray. Cool. Cut into 2-inch squares.

Orrrrr, you can do it the cheater way like I did and make them in the microwave.

MICROWAVE DIRECTIONS:
In microwave-safe bowl (non-metal. Just reminding you…), heat butter and marshmallows on high for 3 minutes, stirring after 2 minutes. Stir until smooth.

Add rice krispies cereal. Stir until well coated.

Use buttered spatula to evenly press mixture into 9×13 inch pan coated with cooking spray. Cool. Cut into 2-inch squares.

Store tightly covered, or just eat them all in one day. I recommend the latter.

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