It’s funny how going out and doing stuff can make you realize how much you don’t go out and do stuff. That made sense, right? Basically, I hit the town yesterday. I’ll tell you all about it only because if I didn’t, I’d probably be wasting my life on Pinterest right now. Or watching reruns of Psych. I’ve heard it both ways.
When choosing a “fun activity” to do with your friends Marie and Emarshily, pick something all of you are actually good at. If none of you are good at bowling, maybe you shouldn’t go bowling. How can you tell if you’re not good? If you are 16 and your two friends are both 17 and all of you ask to have the kiddie bumpers on the lane put up, you’re not good.
When going bowling, one does not simply use their real names, just as one does not simply walk into Mordor. You have to pick cool, hip names. I used Napoleon, which totally stood for Napoleon Bonaparte, not Napoleon Dynamite… and my bowling mates were The Dowager and Heathcliff. Oh, and I can’t bowl to save my life.
80 points. And that was with the bumpers up. Oof.
Marie was so upset I lost, she threw a temper tantrum right in the middle of the bowling alley and started smashing that weird podium thing. It was awkward. We were fingerprinted, had our pictures taken, and then were escorted out by 2 huge security guards. Thanks, Marie. They’re totally never letting us back in there now.
After bowling, we ran across the street to get lunch at IHOP. I love IHOP. Although I don’t love the name, because when I type it out, I feel like I have to put it in all caps since it’s an acronym and then I shout in my head. Story of my life. When you go to IHOP (shouting again…), do yourself a favor and specify a waiter/waitress with a sense of humor. Ours didn’t. I ordered a Belgian waffle and there was the option to get fruit on it, so I said to the waitress, “Could I have the Belgian waffle with that blueberry stuff on top?” And she looked at me like she was Luke Skywalker and I was Darth Vader telling her I was her father.
People that work at IHOP have weird names. Take our waitress for example. Her name tag said Beashariquedstify or something like that. All I know is that there were way too many consonants for it to be a real name. And she introduced herself as “bee”. I wanted to ask her how she pronounced her real name and also what was going through the mind of her mother when she named her that, but I didn’t. So I decided we should fold her tip into tiny paper airplanes.
APPARENTLY people don’t like it when you turn their tip into art, because she totally gave us the evil eye as we were leaving. Um, her loss. Look how awesome those are.
So that’s how I spent my Sunday afternoon. How was your weekend? Did you find out that the secret admirer valentine you hired someone to send to someone else was basically interpreted as a death threat? Is it the second year in a row that you’ve sent out secret admirer valentines and both years the receivers of the valentines have been severely weird out? No? Then I envy you.
