Where in the world is Picco Sandiego?

Well, hello there. Did you forget about me? I hope not…I really haven’t been gone that long. Sheesh, guys. But for those of you who don’t have short-term memory loss, let me fill you in on exactly what’s gone down since I last blogged.

August 4th is national Piccola Italiana Day. Also known as my birthday. Yes, I turned 17. Am I the only one who thinks that sounds so old? I didn’t feel weird turning 16, but now I’m like woah…I’m 17. Make sense? I thought not. I was going to hang out with a group of people on my birthday and see Batman and go bowling, but my friend’s dad was sick, the guy I invited was insecure and didn’t want to be the only guy there (don’t even get me started), and the only person who could make it was the same girl I saw Batman with the first time, so I decided to reschedule the festivities. Instead, I just hung out with my friend, and her parents took me out to get Chinese food.

This year was hands-down the best year of presents. I got a lot (and really should be writing thank you notes right now. Oops?), but a few of the fantastic presents I got were Batman Converses, band aids that look like bacon, a gorgeous corsage from my next door neighbors, seasons 1 and 2 of Downton Abbey, Batman Converses, posters of Heath Ledger, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, and New York (ok, I bought those for myself, but whatever), Batman Converses, and lots of money. And Batman Converses. Guess which present I loved the most? You’re right, it was the bacon band aids. Ok, maybe that was #2.

The day after my birthday, I headed off to a music/choir camp with my brother and sister and got back last night. I was supposed to be a counselor there, but that plan sort of fell through as I quickly found out, so I was made a junior counselor which was probably the best. The camp was for ages 10-16, so I was the oldest kid there, which I later found out made some of the guys scared of me. The first couple of days I was just getting to know the campers and kind of stuck with the same 3 girls who were my age. Then on the 3rd day at breakfast we mixed up the tables and I sat with 2 quiet people and this guy that my sister knew. She has gone to this camp for the last 3 years and he has too, so I kind of knew who he was, but really didn’t think much of him…until someone asked “What time is it?” and he responded “It’s time to get ill.” I was like “WOAH. HOLD UP.  We say that too.” Beastie boys, much? And thus a friendship was born. We spent the rest of breakfast talking about our love of Batman, the bands Train and Maroon 5, and the fact that it’s semi-lame that we could both recite Napoleon Dynamite. He’s pretty much my soulmate (Napoleon Dynamite reference, people…). Every meal after that everyone went back to sitting with the people they sat with before the mix up, but he would nonchalantly say to his friends “Oh look, there’s a space at Picco’s table. I’m, uhhh, gonna sit here.”

There’s a game that almost the entire camp would play every day called Bob. Kind of a dumb game, but…it’s pretty fun…To play, everyone sits in a circle, keeps time by hitting their knees (my knees are quite sore now), and “Bob” would call out someone’s name, the person would say “what?” Bob would say “who?” and then the person they called out would say another person’s name, and it would continue “what?” “who?” until someone hesitated or said “Ajgfjdifih” like I did once. I got less than 6 hours of sleep every night, ok? The person who messed up would go to the end of the circle and could only advance when someone else messed up. Every time I messed up, he would conveniently mess up too and move to be next to me and do the sit-awkwardly-close-whoops-did-I-just-accidently-hit-your-leg-again? move. I later found out all the guys there were completely in love with me, which makes sense now since they all knew my name and I still hardly knew half of them by the end of camp. Um, hilarious. The second to last day I was feeling oddly bold and right as we were all about to head to our dorms, I said “Hey, you have really pretty eyes.” He gave me a weird look, said thanks, and kinda ran away from me. I really do scare people.

I knew all of you wanted to hear this story, but I’m never popular like this and am still kind of on cloud 9. The end. So, fellow blog readers, how have you guys been? I spend a week in a place with no cell phone reception just to come back to find out Mara’s engaged, Emily started a blog, I have the same birthday as Tia’s mom, and Kait sent me the nicest email I’ve ever gotten. I love you guys.

You say Michael, I say Caine. You say Bruce, I say Wayne. Hot dog, I say cool it man. I don’t wanna be the Mayor of Gotham.

I hate Dark Knight Rises.

You have no idea how much it pains me to say that. No, really. All I want to say is THAT WAS THE MOST AWESOMEST THING IN THE WORLD. I HEART CHRISTIAN BALE. THE ONLY WAY IT COULD HAVE BEEN BETTER IS IF LEONARDO DICAPRIO WAS CATWOMAN AND WAS KILLED. But I can’t, especially since Leo wasn’t in it (thank goodness). So here are my thoughts on the movie…

First, lets talk about the things I liked. Um, Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Gorgeous, much?

And now for the things I didn’t like. *SPOILER ALERT* If you haven’t seen the movie yet, go find a picture of a cute bunny to look at or something. Wonderful idea, Picco. Oh thank you. And now I’m going to stop talking to myself.

Before I go into details about the characters, let’s talk about the plot. Or lack thereof. What exactly was the plot? No really, I’m not even sure what the point of the movie was. Batman Begins was about how Bruce Wayne became Batman. Ok, good. Dark Knight was about how there are some crazies in the world that wear purple suits and are actually gorgeous Australian men. Acceptable. Dark Knight Rises? *silence* Please help me out here, guys.

So, Bane. Uhhh, who is he? Had anyone ever heard of him before? Even my little brother who is OBSESSED with superheros, and can name almost every single one of them, didn’t know who Bane was. Since Chris Nolan gave us absolutely none of his back story, I’m just going to assume he was unloved as a child, then got beaten up in that prison pit where people speak alien instead of English and pass their time climbing up the wall and trying to jump onto a ledge, and then somehow he fashioned himself that mask. What’s the purpose of the mask? Is he like a diehard Darth Vader fan or something? That dude’s got more issues than Vogue.

Catwoman. Don’t even get me started. I didn’t like Anne Hathaway to begin with, and now I REALLY don’t like her. Again, thanks Chris for no back story for her either. At least Michelle Pfeiffer got her weird powers from cats. So maybe Selena whats-her-face lives alone with her cats and decided to become like them, aaannndddd steal stuff? Yeah, that’s logical. I also thought that all of her “action scenes” were awkward. It’s hard to attack people when you’re wearing stilettos, sweetie. So maybe next time opt for a more casual shoe, such as converse? Just a thought. I should totally go into costume design.

Dear Christian Bale, WHY ARE YOU SO OLD?! Time (and his lack of sanity) has not been good to him. Batman was just annoying in this movie, which is sad since he was so cool in the other two. Why was Bruce a gimp at the beginning? I get that he’s an angsty hermit and such, but can’t he hire a physical therapist or something? And every time people spoke to him, it was all motivational speeches. And there was a lot of crying, even from tough guy Bane. What was this, The Notebook?

I’d go into detail about all the other characters, but I’d bore myself. Even Commissioner Gordon was disappointing. And every time someone said his name, all I could think of was Heath Ledger as the Joker saying “Evening, Commissioner…” and I got sad. Random trivia time: Did anyone else notice that the guy with the super long eyelashes was the same guy that dated Juliet on Psych for like 4 episodes? I really liked how Gordon-Levitt turned out to be Robin at the end, but the whole movie he’s like I’m a cop, I’m a cop, I’m a detective? I’m a cop again, I’m yelling at kids to get back on the bus, I’m a cop, BOOM, I’m Batman’s sidekick. Ummm…

And finally, the end. Worst. Ending. Ever. And not even kind of probable. So since the bomb had a 6 mile kill radius, it had to be flown at least 6 miles away, right? And luckily, Batman was able to fly it 6+ miles away in less than a minute, drop it in the ocean, and then it went all mushroom-cloud like, and no one died. Um, radiation? Debris? Tsunami? Nope, just happiness. Surprise! It was a bomb filled with food, shelter, and love.

So anyway, those are my thoughts on the movie. Anyone who has ever read my blog knows that I absolutely adore Christian Bale and Batman more than anything else in the world (next to bacon…), so it was really depressing that I had to write this, but it had to be said. Why do you build me up, Christopher Nolan baby, just to let me down? Seriously that song’s been stuck in my head for days.

Oh, and here’s a picture of a Build-a-Bear koala in an Iron Man suit.  So many superheros in one day.

And there needs to be a new superhero named Baconman. Just saying.

Oh, you aren’t seeing Batman tonight either? Let’s drown our sorrows in buffalo cheese dip together.

If I had a list of things I’d avoid in a dark alley, at the top of the list would be rabid dogs, creepy dudes, and people who actually enjoy boiled chicken.

This is my attempt at making boiled chicken look appetizing. I took about 20 pictures of it, and this was the only one that didn’t make me want to upchuck. After you boil it, not only do you end up with chicken whiter than…ummm…something white? but the water you boil it in has fat and chicken flakes floating in it. And if you don’t know what chicken flakes are, go boil some chicken. I can’t describe it, but they’re disgusting.

A word of warning: this dip is addicting. It’s just the right amount of party food+comfort food. So, if you’re beyond sad that you can’t go see Dark Knight Rises tonight at the midnight premiere, you’ll eat a lot of it. Which is exactly what I’m doing. If only I didn’t have that writing and logic class thing at 9am tomorrow.  As much as I’m learning from it (we worked on syllogisms for 2 hours today. God is good. Poptarts are good. Therefore, God is poptarts. Ok, we didn’t do that one…), it’s totally ruining my life. Every day I come home exhausted from so much thinking, AND it makes me not able to see my beloved Batman movie. Batman>learning. But you didn’t hear that from me.

Whoever decided to have the premiere of Dark Knight Rises be on one of the few days of the summer I have to wake up early is obviously the same person who decided to let babies grow up, put so many calories in moose tracks ice cream, and thought it would be a good idea for all clothes in the 90′s to be made out of denim. That person has serious issues.

So anyway, for all of you going tonight, have fun. Meanwhile, I’m going to pretend I’m having just as much fun as you are by having a Chris Nolan/superhero marathon. “Because Toby McGuire is just as awesome as Christian Bale,” said no one ever.

Buffalo Chicken Dip

From How Sweet It Is

2-8 0z blocks of cream cheese, softened
1/2 cup of blue cheese dressing
1/2 cup of ranch dressing
1 cup of buffalo wing sauce. We use Sweet Baby Ray’s since it’s gluten free, but you can use whatever sauce your little heart desires.
4 skinless, boneless chicken thighs
2 cups shredded cheddar cheese

Preheat oven to 375.

To boil the chicken, wash the defrosted thighs and place in a sauce pan. Fill the pan with enough water to cover the chicken by several inches. Set your stovetop burner to high and maintain a rapid boil while the chicken cooks for 20 minutes. Set the chicken aside until cool, then shred with a fork.

For the sauce, in a large bowl combine softened cream cheese, ranch dressing, blue cheese dressing, and buffalo wing sauce. Using a mixer, mix until smooth and creamy, about 3 minutes. Resist the urge to eat all of it right then and there. I mean, you can have a little taste or 5, but save some room for when there’s chicken involved. Fold in shredded chicken and 1 cup of shredded cheese. Pour into a baking dish. Top with remaining 1 cup of shredded cheese.

Bake for 20 minutes, or until dip is warmed through. Now you may eat all of it.

Mid-week Crisis: Ryan Gosling would make a great Catwoman

Taking a cue from two of my favorite bloggers, Jessica and Mara, I’ve decided to start a weekly summary of all the exciting (?) things that are going on in my life. Since all the good names are taken (like Mara’s Friday Links, and Jessica’s Tuesday Things), I’ve decided to call mine Mid-Week Crisis and post it on Wednesdays. Kind of like mid-life crisis, but it happens every week. Because Wednesday are stupid. I give my sister full credit with coming up with the name, because the best I could think of was Woebegone Wednesdays. Hmm. So this is what’s been happening with me:

1. I found out yesterday that my dad might be able to get free tickets to see Justin Bieber this summer. Would that make me less of a human if I go…? Wait. Don’t answer that.

2. Why isn’t this in my belly right now? Valid question.

3. This is my dog, Gemma Rose McGinty Italiana. Yes, that is her full name, and yes she is named after Damian McGinty’s older sister, Gemma. I’ve been trying to teach her (my dog, not Damian’s sister) cool tricks. The latest one is I’ll have her sit and then I’ll pretend to shoot her and yell BANG, and she falls over.*

*This only happens if I have a piece of cheese in my hand to reward her with afterwards, and when I say she falls over, I mean I usually have to push her. Do you know how hard it is to push over a 65 pound dog?

4. Batman comes out in 9 days. Tom Hardy+Christian Bale+Joseph Gordon Levitt-Anne Hathaway=best movie ever. Seriously, whose idea was it to stick Anne Hathaway in it? The only character she’s capable of playing is that one princess she played in Princess Diaries. Can someone say boring? Why didn’t they get someone else to play Catwoman, like Emma Stone or Jennifer Lawrence? Actually, they could of just stuck Ryan Gosling in a leather jumpsuit and said he was Catwoman. I assure you he would have done a better job, and the entire female population wouldn’t protest.


5. I switched up my room a bit and wanted to show off how cool it looks. I’m not quite done just yet, but it looks much better than it just being a blank wall. I DID end up putting up the Damian McGinty (so much Damian in this post…) and Beatles posters like I thought I’d never get around to doing. And all those tickets? Those are all the concerts I’ve been to (that I can find the tickets from…). Kind of a lot, but there could and will be way more. And one of them is a ticket from when I saw the Jonas Brothers back in 2009. Now THAT makes me less of a human.

6. Today is Nation Cheer Up the Lonely Day. If you are lonely this is me cheering you up: I think you’re awesome. And if you’re not lonely, you are not welcome to our Sad Holiday Party. Next week? Forever Alone Day, followed by My Sarcasm Makes Me Have No Friends Day.

7. Will someone please invite me to a fancypants party so I can wear this dress? Also, I wouldn’t mind if someone turned me into Mila Kunis either. Just saying.

Bucket lists are overrated. But if I did have one, it might look something like this…

In case you were wondering, I need this:

But first I need this: a job. Since I don’t see myself getting a job this summer because I’m not about to waste three months of my life being around people who, knowing my luck, will suck the joy out of my summer, I’m not going to get my precious 1969 Camero RS. Maybe next summer…or in 20 years, since I don’t think a summer job working at Journeys shoe store will pay for that car.

So, since I don’t want to be just sitting around all summer watching reruns of Downton Abbey and eating junk food (although that sounds pretty dang awesome), I’ve decided to make a bucket list.

I’d like bucket lists if everyone wasn’t making them. It’s kind of like Damian McGinty. I loved that guy back when he first joined Celtic Thunder when he was 14, and then he went on Glee and my undying love for him plummeted. He’s too popular now and, frankly, isn’t as Damian McGorgeous as he used to be. So that was my comparison between bucket lists and Irish singers. Anyway, I’m hoping to accomplish most of these things:

Get my license, which might involve actually starting to drive. Does someone near by want to volunteer to take me out driving since my mom’s scared to be in the car with me…? Anybody?

Go to six flags and convince Emily to go on the Superman with me. Seriously Emily, it’s pretty much the most fantastic ride ever. And I’m pretty sure you won’t get hurt on it.

Hang out with my friends that are off to college (Dear Emily and Caroline, I never gave you permission to go to college this fall and get educated without me. Seriously. You’re making me sad.)

Go to the midnight premiere of Dark Knight Rises and drag random people along with me.

Have an 80′s themed 17th birthday party. Because the 80′s sounded awesome and I was born 15 years too late…

Finish stupid Great Expectations that I’ve been reading since January. That book will be the death of me. But it’s SO good.

Get these. I’M NOT OBSESSED.

Go to a concert (I’m hoping Honor Society comes back soon so I can talk to the drummer Alexander Noyes and say something more than “you’re awesome” like I did last winter. Awkward? Oh yeah and it’s Alex’s 26th birthday today. Happy birthday, Alexander Crawford Noyes. You’re still the coolest person I’ve ever met, which is saying a lot because I’ve also met Damian Kulash from the band OK Go and a guy who dressed up as superman and was standing outside of Busch stadium.)

Convince my mom to let me dye my hair red again. But not Carrot Top red like it was last summer. My hair last summer was a prime example of why you shouldn’t buy $10 hair dye from walgreens and then color your hair yourself.

Pull an all-nighter and have a movie marathon. And no Marie, I refuse to watch Sweeney Todd at 3am so don’t even suggest it.

I’ll probably think of more stuff later, but this is a good place to start. Oh, and I pretty much butchered the cookies I made tonight.

The recipe said to bake them for nine to eleven minutes and to make sure to not overcook them, but they still weren’t done after being in the oven for twenty minutes. Blahhh. So I decided to use them in a trifle-type dessert with strawberries and moose tracks ice cream.

I’m not sure what I’m going to do with the rest of the cookies…maybe use them as a base of a chocolate crust, kind of like a graham cracker crust? We’ll see. I know they would have worked with regular brownie mix, because I’ve used normal mix and they’ve turned out, but for some reason the dumb gluten free brownies decided to be a real pain in the patella.

As Pacman says, “Only you can prevent overcooked brownie cookies.” Although I might be confusing him with that bear with the really manly voice. Can Pacman actually talk…? Deep questions.

Brownie cookies

From the Food Network website

21 ounces brownie mix
1/2 cup all-purpose flour
6 tablespoons canola oil
2 eggs, beaten
2 tablespoons water
6 ounces semi-sweet chocolate chips

Preheat oven to 350°F

In a medium bowl, combine all ingredients. Stir until well blended.

Drop mix from a teaspoon onto a cookie sheet lightly sprayed with cooking spray. Bake for 9 to 11 minutes.

Once cookies have lost their gloss, yet still feel soft to the touch, remove from oven. Do NOT overbake them, or you’ll have to use them as hockey pucks.

Let cool 1 minute, then remove to racks to finish cooling. Store in airtight container for up to 1 week.