Qui$ha. Like Ke$ha, but more quiche-like.

Corrupted Brother: What are you doing?
Me: Looking at scholarships (I assumed he knew what those are since he knows about Megan Fox…I mean what 4 year old DOESN’T know about scholarships?)
CB: What are scholarships? (ok, I guess I was wrong.)
Me: They are things that give me money for college.
CB: WAIT. STEVE FROM BLUE’S BLUES GOES TO COLLEGE.
Me: Oh really?
CB: Yeah, Steve can bring his pillow to college.
Me: So am I like Steve?
CB: *looks at me for a second*
Yup.

So apparently I’m like an old bald dude with really bad veneers. Thanks a lot.

Anyway…I’ve had two fun filled days. Yesterday I went shopping and today I got a necklace from my lovely blogger friend Kait Culbertson. Oh and I was sung to yesterday. Jealous? I’ve already told like 5 people this story, but I need to tell it again.

You are not allowed to judge, but I enjoy Hot Topic. I only buy normal stuff there, I swear. No gauges for me, only Dr. Who shirts and buttons that say “cool story, bro.” My aunt got me a bag with the Beatles’ Abbey Road picture on it for my birthday, and I used it yesterday when I went to the mall. I walked into Hot Topic with my friend and the guy who worked there (Bryan) said “Hey, I really like your bag.” I said thanks, figuring the conversation would be over. Nope. He then said “So, I guess you like the Beatles?” And I said “Yeah, I was kinda raised on them.” And it went downhill from there. He proceeded to tell me all about how he was too and then he asked if I had heard of a band called City of Colours. I stupidly said yes, and then he said “Ok, don’t tell anyone, but I’m going to turn off the heavy metal and put on some acoustic stuff by City of Colours.” So he started playing their music through the store speakers…and singing to me. Twice. He actually had a semi-decent voice, but it was odd hearing a heavily tattooed and pierced dude sing a pretty song to me…and it was also odd to be heavily hit on by the same guy. By the time I left, I was actually surprised he hadn’t proposed. Weirdest experience of my young life? I think yes.

Also, I spent the day with my friend Katie. After a long period of not talking, I think we actually get along much better than we did pre-awkward fight. And I didn’t even think it was weird when she accidentally pulled multiple items of clothing off the rack at Forever 21. I missed her.

Earlier today, my brother ran up to my room holding a letter and laughing. He’s like what is this?! It was a letter from Kait addressed to *real first name* Piccola Gordon-Levitt Italiana *real last name*. It would have been perfect if she had added Bale to it. What was inside the letter? Uh, only two friendship necklaces. One for Marie and one for me. Kait has the Union Jack one, Marie has the double decker bus, and I have the telephone booth. It’s pretty much one of the coolest things I’ve ever gotten. Also, Kait is one of those people who can say, “Heeeeeey, did you ever realize that seals are like mermaid dogs. That’s weird.” without thinking anything of it. Exhibit A why we get along so well.

Now that I’m done with all of that, let’s discuss quiche. Once upon a time, I had a friend whose parents’ favorite meal was spinach quiche. I bet you’re thinking hey, spinach quiche. Potentially good, right? WRONG. It was disgusting and they would make it All. The. Time. It was painful for 8-year-old me to simultaneously pretend to like it and try not to barf. It was about that time that I got very good at multi-tasking. Needless to say, I was scared of quiche for a while. Then I found out you didn’t have to make it with spinach. You could make it with other normal foods, like bacon and cheese and onions. Which is exactly what I do now.

I’m not sure if this is a good recipe or not, since the only other recipe I’ve tried that I can compare it to is the Disgusting Quiche From Heck That Probably Comes Alive At Night one, but I like it. It also doesn’t have a crust, so it’s gluten free. Could life get better? Actually yeah, my life would be much better if I hadn’t been traumatized by stupid spinach quiche. I swear that explains all my problems.

Crustless Quiche

1 tablespoon vegetable oil
1 onion, chopped
1 pound bacon, thawed
6 eggs, beaten
2 1/2 cups shredded swiss cheese
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon ground black pepper

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).

Lightly grease a 9 inch pie pan.

Place bacon on a foil-lined cookie sheet. Put bacon into a cold oven, set oven temperature to 400 F, and bake for 15-18 minutes, or until cooked. Finely chop bacon after it has cooled.

Heat oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Saute onions, then stir in bacon so the delicious flavors of bacon and onion are melded together and make you start drooling. In a large bowl, combine eggs, cheese, salt and pepper. Add bacon/onion mixture and stir to blend. Scoop into prepared pie pan.

Bake in preheated oven until eggs have set, about 30 minutes. Let cool for 10 minutes before serving. Ha, just joking. Dig right in and burn your mouth. It’s so worth it.

My attempt at British food *insert sad face here*

Let’s speak hypothetically here for a bit.

Let’s say, supposedly, I knew a certain European. Actually, let’s pretend he’s…ummm…British. It might make the story less confusing or something. Hypothetically, this “British” guy may or may not be very attractive, but it’s a moot point because he doesn’t actually exist and this is all made up. Yeah. Anyway, there’s a possibility he would say that, back in his homeland, there was a food called Sausage Rolls. If he were in fact a real person, which he theoretically may be, he would explain how he tried to make them here in the United States, but couldn’t find puff pastry, so he used pie crust and it became a complete and total disaster. Then someone else would say “I bet Spoonlighting could make them.” And Spoonlighting may or may not have made them. And, should the non-American in fact be a real person, I’d like to compare Sausage Roll failures with him because I think I could top his easily. Hypothetically.

What you should have gathered from that confusing story was that I made sausage rolls. Let’s talk about the positive things that came out of making them. They were really really really good, and I got to use puff pastry, which, every time I use it, I wonder why I don’t make things with it more often. Wait. Puff pastry and bacon. Mmmmm. Excuse me while I drool over that thought for a second… Ok, I’m done now. I’m so glad you didn’t see that because it was seriously awkward. Now that the positive stuff and drooling is out of the way, let’s talk about the not-so-positive stuff. Uh, they’re hideous.

Also, I had to read 10+ sausage roll recipes (the things I do for people…) because none of them said even remotely the same thing. One said to add onions, another said to add sage, and not all of them included Dijon mustard. And don’t even get me started with the oven temperature. What is this gas 3 or fan 120 stuff? Why do British people use the word “moorish” to describe something delicious? Why am I not in New York seeing Newsies on Broadway? These are all very good questions.

See the middle roll on the far right? See how normal looking it is? Just pretend that all of them look like that. Please. Also, remind me to never make these again because I’m pretty sure I’ve eaten half of them and I’ll eat the rest if no one stops me. Oh, and remind me to stop watching The French Chef. It’s making me sad since all I want to do is take a cooking class under Juila Child. Literally. That woman was like 9 feet tall.

Sausage Rolls

Adapted from a billion recipes. I’m only slightly exaggerating.

2 teaspoons dried parsley
1 small onion, finely chopped
16 oz. sausage
salt & pepper
1/4 cup Dijon mustard
package of ready-rolled puff pastry (there should be 2 sheets in a pack, and you’ll use both of them.)
1 beaten egg, to glaze (I didn’t use this because I was lazy, but it might explain why they didn’t turn out. Hmmm…)

Set your oven at 400 Fahrenheit/200 Centigrade/Gas 6/phasers to stun.

Combine parsley, onion, sausage, and salt and pepper in a skillet. Cook until onions are slightly translucent and sausage is no longer pink.

Unroll one of the pastry sheets onto a board. Brush mustard on the pastry and cut it in half lengthwise. Spread the sausage along the length of each pastry strip. Tightly roll the pastry around the sausage and brush the ends with the beaten egg to secure. Cut each roll into 10 pieces, each about an inch long, and place on an ungreased baking sheet. Repeat for the remaining pastry sheet.

Bake for 20 minutes in the preheated oven, or until the rolls are puffed and golden, checking after 15 minutes to make sure they don’t burn. Apparently these freeze (unbaked) very well.

Serve with tea…or something…I’m just going to stop talking.

I promise this post has nothing to do with England. At all. Nope.

I like to pretend I’m spontaneous. I also like to pretend I’m British, but that’s a different story. But not really, because every single one of my stories can turn into something about England. For example, last night I watched Rise of the Planet of the Apes (great movie, by the way) with JJR and The Brit. The British actor Tom Felton was in it, and they made him use an American accent in the film. Yes, you heard me right. He threw away his gorgeous British accent and used a dumb I-have-a-beautiful-British-accent-but-now-I’m-going-to-pretend-I’m-American-so-I’ll-make-sure-to-sound-super-nasily-and-Brooklynish/Southernish accent. There’s nothing worse than a non-American trying to sound American. It sort of sounded like malted barley. Speaking of, the first time you force a British person to say malted barley, everyone, including the person saying it, thinks it’s hilarious. But after that first time, said Brit doesn’t think it’s funny anymore. Which is weird, since I think it’s totally amazing. It’s almost as weird as the other day when my little sister put a tiara on her head and proclaimed that she was “Queen of Abuela Land.” Oh, and my dog got a bacon scented chew toy today. Needless to say, I’m beyond jealous. Wait, what….? It’s official. My train of thought has derailed. There are no survivors. I really need to get a life…

Anyway, back to being spontaneous. I enjoy being spontaneous. Like today, I was quite spontaneous when I chose pink rubber bands for my braces. And as someone who hasn’t worn pink in many, many years, this was definitely a spontaneous choice…thing. That, and I always get so flustered when I have to pick out rubber bands. You understand. I also enjoy being spur of the moment when it comes to food. Earlier this afternoon, I had 8 chicken thighs defrosting in the microwave and not the foggiest idea in my head of what to make for dinner. Then, BOOM, this random recipe showed up. I have no clue how I found it (that seems to be the case for a lot of the food I make, huh?) but it sounded good. Basically you put garlic pepper on both sides of chicken, dump some brown sugar on it, and bake it for an hour? Easy. And yumtastic.

Oh, you want me to stop talking and you’d like to see some pictures? Well here you go.

First off, let me  say just how hard it is to take pictures of food while it’s in the oven. If you forget to take pictures of the prep (not that I did or anything…yeah…), you are forced to open the oven, let the 350 degree air singe your face off, just so you can try (and fail) to take a picture. Oh yeah, and all while your dog is sniffing your hair. Awkward.

And that black icky looking stuff? Burnt brown sugar. Delicious. If you make this and get bored in between taking the chicken from the oven and eating it, feel free to eat the burnt brown sugar. Straight out of the oven, it’s pretty amazing.

Oh yeah, and in case you couldn’t tell, the title is a total lie. Kind of like how I said that this blog would be about me cooking my way through the Silver Spoon. Lies all around.

Brown Sugar Chicken Thighs

Adapted from some random website. So let’s just say it was pretty much made up by me, ok?

8 skinless chicken thighs
1 tablespoon garlic pepper
8 tablespoons brown sugar

Preheat the oven to 350 F. Cover a cookie sheet with Ryan Reynolds wrap/aluminum foil and spray it with cooking spray. Sprinkle both sides of the thighs with garlic pepper. Then sprinkle 1 tablespoon brown sugar on top of each thigh. Bake at 350 for an hour. The end

I like to pretend I’m British

I have a secret. Shhhhh, don’t tell anyone. Ok..here it is: I love England. THERE, I said it. Happy???!?! Yes, you heard me right. Not Italy, England. I feel like I’m betraying The Boot, but eh, who cares. I love everything about the UK. Their actors (Christian Bale, Emma Watson, Skandar Keynes etc. You can ask anyone who knows me about my love for Skandar Keynes. His fan site is my homepage…creeper, I know), their accents, their err…flag…ok I’m running out of things I love. But you get my drift. On my list of things I want to do before I die, I have “go to England and Ireland”. Don’t get me wrong, Italy’s on that list too. Somewhere. Actually, my obsession with the UK has gotten so bad that I’m starting to think with a British accent, use their vocabulary and all of my o’s are followed by a u. Only problem is that dumb spell check (or is that bloody spell check?) doesn’t recognize favourite or colour as words. But anyway, where am I going with this….??? Oh yes, last night’s dinner. Guess what I made without even thinking? Fish and chips. :) I was cutting the potatoes (with my super awesome french fry cutter) and I thought “Hey, I’m making chips! Hold up, I’m making fish too! YES!!!!!!!” I had a moment. And I might have done a happy dance that went something like thisI call being Calvin.

Sorry for the not-so-good pictures. I was in a rush to eat :)

I made both the Beer Battered cod and the french fries from recipes I got off of allrecipes.com. Which is the love of my life, next to Skandar Keynes. I used a gluten-free beer (which I didn’t know they made…) so my sister could eat it. It actually wasn’t too bad. I mean, to me beer is beer soooo yeah…

I made fajitas tonight but I stupidly forgot to take pictures so use your imagination.