Who wants to hear about my fat dog? *awkward silence*

Apparently my dog is borderline obese.

I’m sorry, I really am not a good conversation starter. Or ender. Or middler. Actually, let’s just say I’m really not as eloquent as I’d like to be, ok? Ok. Lovely.

Today was overcast and cold. Just the kind of day that makes you want to curl up with a novel and a cup of tea. Or bring your spastic dog to the vet. I’ve heard it both ways.

My dog Gemma is wonderful, but she seriously acts like I keep her locked in a cage and poke her with pointy objects all day. When I take her out of the house to go on walks (2-3 times a day…), she’s like FREE AT LAST! Every. Single. Time. So just imagine how she was at the vet today. I’ll tell you: she was insane. Her temperature was 103.6 from her almost hyperventilating. Aaannddd she peed on the floor. Is that too much information? Because if it’s not, I might go on to say that she also…loses control of her bladder when she’s around cleaning supplies. No joke. A broom fell on her and it just went downhill from there.

Today was her annual checkup. She dragged me into the office and everyone there was like “Oh look, it’s Gemma.” She’s well known there. Mainly because of her everyday is the greatest day of my life attitude. So after about 30 seconds of sniffing, tasting, and jumping all over the scale, she eventually sat on it. She weighs 67 pounds. Which might be why she almost rips my arm out of its socket on walks. When we got into the room, the veterinarian assistant called her crazy and the vet called her a spaz. Hmmm…

The vet started talking about how Labradors tend to be bottomless pits (amen. If I decided to let Gemma eat cheese and peanut butter all day, she would), but they also have knee problems when they get overweight. And hip problems. And elbow problems. And everything problems. So I was like ok…that’s nice? Where are you going with this? Then she pointed to a picture of a dog on the wall and said “See that dog? It has a full chest and a small stomach. Well…your dog is just kind of…full everywhere.” So now I have to cut back on her food and make her exercise more. More walks. Yay.

In other news, since I’m really not in the mood to blog everyday, I’m putting my pictures for the 30 day photo challenge on my Flickr. If you care to look at my photos, click on I LOVE SKANDAR KEYNES. It’s true.

Baked Chicken Nuggets

Ingredients

3 skinless, boneless chicken breasts
1 cup Italian seasoned bread crumbs (or 4 slices of toasted or stale bread, finely chopped)
1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese
1 teaspoon dried thyme
1 teaspoon dried basil
1/2 cup butter, melted

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees F.

2. Cut chicken breasts into 1 1/2-inch sized pieces. In a medium bowl, mix together the bread crumbs, cheese, thyme and basil. Put melted butter in a bowl.

3. Dip chicken pieces into the melted butter, then coat with the breadcrumb mixture. Place the chicken pieces on a lightly greased cookie sheet in a single layer, and bake in the preheated oven for 20 minutes. For extra crispiness, bake on a cookie rack (that’s what they’re called…right?) so that the bottom doesn’t get all mushy. Or set the broiler on low and broil for 1-2 minutes.

Serve with ketchup, Dijon mustard, or ranch dressing. Or just eat them by themselves, since they’re totally amazing.

GF note: if you’re using gluten-free bread (I used Udi bread, which tastes almost identical to “normal bread”), the gluten free companies like to gyp people and make the slices smaller, so it takes about 6 slices to make a cup of bread crumbs. In case you were wondering.

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20 thoughts on “Who wants to hear about my fat dog? *awkward silence*

  1. picco, you don’t know me, but i know your aunt through work, and i read your blog because she suggested it to me. i’ve been hooked ever since. it’s just so darn great. i don’t cook at all, but i love reading what you write about food (and life).

    anyway, i just wanted to say that those chicken nuggets look REALLY yummy. even though i definitely can’t eat them (i have food issues of my own), i can still appreciate how deliciously amazing they look on my computer screen.

    keep it up! (: everytime i get a “New post on Spoonlighting” i smile big and get excited to see what wittiness you have in store for me!

    • oh and i apologize in advance for how little sense that comment makes … i am still at work and buried under a stack of paperwork and my brain is only marginally functional. :P

      • Gahhh, same here. You have no idea how long it to me to write up that post and make it semi-readable. I’ve been memorizing Latin pronouns all day and my mind is like oatmeal. But the gross kind of oatmeal. Not that delicious kind with the dinosaur eggs and when you pour hot water over it, the eggs melt and dinosaurs appear. Yeah, I’m going to stop talking right about now.

    • Hey! I’ve heard all about you :) Only good things, don’t worry.

      But it totally made my night to hear that you like my blog. Just when I thought eating 3 Reese’s was going to be the highlight of my night/week (I have food issues too, but they’re more along the lines of I love food too much…), BOOM. Here comes your comment.

      So summing things up, you’re totally awesome. Yup.

      • picco, i definitely JUST saw these comments. i thought i subscribed to the comments so that i would know if you responded, but, i apparently didn’t do so successfully. i’m not going to get into the details here, but anyway, i do love your blog. i read it all the time, and it never fails to give me a good giggle. maybe one day i’ll even cook something! haha

  2. ” Because if it’s not, I might go on to say that she also…loses control of her bladder when she’s around cleaning supplies. No joke. A broom fell on her and it just went downhill from there.”– possibly the funniest sentences EVER. I actually started laughing as soon as I read the title. (Me! I want to hear about your fat dog!)

    And in other news, you have once again made me hungry. *sigh*

    • It’s true! Whenever we start vacuuming she totally flips out and runs away. She’s just like her owner…I really hate cleaning. Although I don’t hate it so much that I pee on the floor. Awkward?

      I’m sorry :( If it makes you feel any better, the chicken was absolutely delicious. Although I’m not sure how that would help…hmmm…

  3. My dog is fat too. I don’t know how it happens – she is like the most active dog I know. She runs and runs and runs…but is about 10 pounds overweight. arrgh….. ;) So, I’m with you. I know how it is. haha

    we also have a 10 lb. Chihuahua. I’m pretty sure he thinks it’s muscle. haha

    Gemma sounds like a great dog. I love dogs. Ok, I’m being really random here, so off to bed I go! :P

    -Tia

    • I think we should start a fat dog club. I call being president.

      I’m sorry, but I think my 67 pound, 1 year old spastic ball of fur could eat your Chihuahua as a snack. Although she’s totally freaked out by little dogs. So maybe not :)

      I…sort of love dogs. I love well-behaved dogs, although mine really isn’t. Make sense? Cats creep me out too. Maybe I just like fish. And now I shall stop. Blarg.

  4. Thanks for another humorous blog from you to get my day off to a good start.

    I could state that your blog is going to the dogs, but I won’t.

    Very neat Flickr challenge. It seems that you like to associate with some very neat people—Shawn and Skandar!!!

    • No problem :)

      Ha, I wish I could associate with Shawn and Skandar. But it might be hard, since Shawn is a fictional tv character and Skandar is British, and I really have no luck with the Brits.

  5. Hmmmm, pictures of food and talking of an over weight dog. What could it mean? Maybe I will call Shawn and see if he can get a reading. I’m sure he could find something. Yes, he is quoted quite often in our house. Thank you Netflix for adding season 5.

    But seriously, about your dog. We had the same problem. No female in this house could walk the dog, some even got pulled to the ground when a random squirrel or bunny would cross our path, which in the city is quite often. So after a few quiet, polite discussions about how bad it was to encouraging the dog to continue chasing the squirrels and bunnies, hubby found a dog collar and leash, wait it was a miracle dog collar and leash. I’m not good enough link you to the webpage, but search PetCo for “Premier Pet Products Blue Gentle Leader Headcollars”. It was the best thing for walking the dog. We can all now walk the dog and not have our arms yanked out of socket. She doesn’t pull and yank and is very well behaved. And sometimes we will even go with a regular leash and she does fine. I would highly recommend it. And I’m pretty sure no animals were harmed in the testing of this product.

    Really try it and your dog walking problems will dissappear.
    MRS

    • Thanks for the tip! I’ll definitely look into that leash…although I do have a killer left bicep from restraining her when she freaks out and chases squirrels.

      Oh and I’m supposed to ask you how the basketball game went yesterday? ;)

  6. Pingback: The 7×7 award, OR why I spend too much time reading other people’s blogs « Spoonlighting

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