I have a question. And before you ask, no, it’s not “Why won’t Christian Bale marry me?” or “Why can’t I be more like Kevin Clash, the guy who does Elmo’s voice on Sesame Street?” or even “Why can’t all food be coated in peanut butter and/or chocolate, deep fried, and then fed to me by Christian Bale while Elmo tells me a story?” No. Especially that last one, since it makes me doubt my sanity a bit. It’s “What are Ryan Reynolds turkey meatballs”? Ryan Reynolds turkey meatballs has become a daily term people google to find my blog. Could someone please explain? I’m officially weirded out. And Kevin Clash is seriously amazing. Not that I watched a documentary on him last night and I’m seriously resisting watching it again right now…
Also, Downton Abbey Christmas special? Can we discuss please? First off, the whole Bates and Anna drama needs to go away. I know I wasn’t the only one who secretly wanted Bates to hang. And I say that in the least morbid way possible. You understand. The scene where they all dance together was adorable. Especially when The Dowager and Thomas dance. *SWOON* On an adorable scale of 1 to a basket of puppies handed to me by a leprechaun wearing a tutu, I’d say the dance scene ranked pretty near the top. Although now that I’m picturing it, a leprechaun in a tutu doesn’t sound so cute anymore. Wow. I think I’ve just mentally scarred myself for life. Good job, Picco. Oh and we all saw the whole Matthew and Mary stuff a mile away. I won’t spoil things for people who haven’t seen the episode yet, but Matthew proposes and then they awkwardly twirl in the snow. Whoops, did I just say that out loud?
Speaking of Downton, ummm, Thomas Barrow. Why isn’t this man a real live person and why isn’t he in my life so we can sinisterly plot things together? And then sinisterly bake sinister food together and speak of sinister things, such as Miley Cyrus and how freaky weird she is. Tell me that wouldn’t be oodles of fun.
And since I’m all over the place tonight, I just thought I’d throw in that I’m sick. So sick that the overall sick levels of my sickness have reached maximum capacity. See, I’m so ill that I thought that would make sense when I typed it out. The sad part is that it totally did in my head… Obviously I need to catch a cold more often because when I do get mildly ill like I have been the past 3 days, I do things like start 1000 piece puzzles in the middle of my bedroom floor that I know I’ll never finish, as well as wake up with classic songs we all know and love, such as Benny and the Jets and Grease Lightning, going through my head. Someone take me to a doctor pronto. Or come help me do a 1000 piece Audrey Hepburn puzzle. Either one would be much obliged.
Luckily, all of life’s ills are solved by potato salad. Even if one of the potatoes wasn’t totally cooked all the way, and maybe I might have added a bit too much mayonnaise, it still made me happy. Food tends to do that. As does watching Batman Begins. Could someone please tell Christian Bale’s manager that I’m completely obsessed with him? PLEASE?
Oh, and I boiled two different foods tonight. Potatoes and eggs. Both of which I’m not a big fan of. AND I hate boiling stuff because the dumb water never boils. Not to brag or anything, but I’m pretty impressed with myself.
2 pounds clean, scrubbed potatoes (I used 6 medium ones, since I don’t have a kitchen scale and I’m really bad at guessing weight, age, and gender. You only think I’m joking. Do you know how frustrating it is not being able to tell if that creepy person you see is a man or woman? And then not being able to let it go that you can’t tell? It’s awful.)
1 pound bacon
1 stalk celery, finely chopped
1/4 cup relish
1 1/2 cups mayonnaise (I used 2 cups tonight and it was a bit much…)
salt and pepper to taste
Bring a large pot of salted water to a boil. If you’re like me, you might as well go cure cancer while you’re waiting for the water to boil. If you’re not like me, TEACH ME YOUR WATER BOILING WAYS. Add potatoes and cook until tender but still firm, about 15 minutes. Drain.
Place eggs in a saucepan and cover with cold water. Bring water to a boil and immediately remove from heat. Cover and let eggs stand in hot water for 10 to 12 minutes. Remove from hot water, cool, peel and chop. In that order. You do it out of order and things will get all wonky.
Place bacon in a large, deep skillet. Cook over medium high heat until evenly brown. Drain, crumble and set aside.
Chop the cooled potatoes, leaving skin on. In a large bowl, combine the hard boiled eggs, bacon, celery, and relish. Add mayonnaise, salt and pepper to taste. Chill for an hour before serving. Enjoy immensity.