Let’s speak hypothetically here for a bit.
Let’s say, supposedly, I knew a certain European. Actually, let’s pretend he’s…ummm…British. It might make the story less confusing or something. Hypothetically, this “British” guy may or may not be very attractive, but it’s a moot point because he doesn’t actually exist and this is all made up. Yeah. Anyway, there’s a possibility he would say that, back in his homeland, there was a food called Sausage Rolls. If he were in fact a real person, which he theoretically may be, he would explain how he tried to make them here in the United States, but couldn’t find puff pastry, so he used pie crust and it became a complete and total disaster. Then someone else would say “I bet Spoonlighting could make them.” And Spoonlighting may or may not have made them. And, should the non-American in fact be a real person, I’d like to compare Sausage Roll failures with him because I think I could top his easily. Hypothetically.
What you should have gathered from that confusing story was that I made sausage rolls. Let’s talk about the positive things that came out of making them. They were really really really good, and I got to use puff pastry, which, every time I use it, I wonder why I don’t make things with it more often. Wait. Puff pastry and bacon. Mmmmm. Excuse me while I drool over that thought for a second… Ok, I’m done now. I’m so glad you didn’t see that because it was seriously awkward. Now that the positive stuff and drooling is out of the way, let’s talk about the not-so-positive stuff. Uh, they’re hideous.
Also, I had to read 10+ sausage roll recipes (the things I do for people…) because none of them said even remotely the same thing. One said to add onions, another said to add sage, and not all of them included Dijon mustard. And don’t even get me started with the oven temperature. What is this gas 3 or fan 120 stuff? Why do British people use the word “moorish” to describe something delicious? Why am I not in New York seeing Newsies on Broadway? These are all very good questions.
See the middle roll on the far right? See how normal looking it is? Just pretend that all of them look like that. Please. Also, remind me to never make these again because I’m pretty sure I’ve eaten half of them and I’ll eat the rest if no one stops me. Oh, and remind me to stop watching The French Chef. It’s making me sad since all I want to do is take a cooking class under Juila Child. Literally. That woman was like 9 feet tall.
Adapted from a billion recipes. I’m only slightly exaggerating.
2 teaspoons dried parsley
1 small onion, finely chopped
16 oz. sausage
salt & pepper
1/4 cup Dijon mustard
package of ready-rolled puff pastry (there should be 2 sheets in a pack, and you’ll use both of them.)
1 beaten egg, to glaze (I didn’t use this because I was lazy, but it might explain why they didn’t turn out. Hmmm…)
Set your oven at 400 Fahrenheit/200 Centigrade/Gas 6/phasers to stun.
Combine parsley, onion, sausage, and salt and pepper in a skillet. Cook until onions are slightly translucent and sausage is no longer pink.
Unroll one of the pastry sheets onto a board. Brush mustard on the pastry and cut it in half lengthwise. Spread the sausage along the length of each pastry strip. Tightly roll the pastry around the sausage and brush the ends with the beaten egg to secure. Cut each roll into 10 pieces, each about an inch long, and place on an ungreased baking sheet. Repeat for the remaining pastry sheet.
Bake for 20 minutes in the preheated oven, or until the rolls are puffed and golden, checking after 15 minutes to make sure they don’t burn. Apparently these freeze (unbaked) very well.
Serve with tea…or something…I’m just going to stop talking.