Let’s talk about things I don’t understand. And, no, I did not steal this from Kait. I’ve had the idea for this post written down in an Evernote note on my phone for weeks. Just when you thought it wasn’t possible for me to get any cooler…
Shall we begin with things I actually enjoy but don’t understand? That might be best. Let’s start off on a happy note.
First, I don’t understand House. House as in House, M.D. my favorite show as of late. Only problem is that I just recently started watching it, so I’m stuck watching season 8 on hulu. Basically, I have no idea what’s going on and I just found out a few episodes ago that Dr. Chase (who totally looks like the non-fat version of Cary Elwes, am I right?) is Australian, not British. Yeah. But what I don’t understand is why every single episode is the same. Let me give you a breakdown of House that could easily be every single episode in the series: it opens with the soon-to-be patient doing something boring and then eventually falling to the ground because of hallucinations or passing out. Then the opening theme plays, and it cuts to the doctors at the hospital (I have no idea what their names are other than Dr. House, Dr. Australian, and the Dr. guy who dies in Dead Poet Society.) and some sort of plot involving all of them is established…sort of. Then they discuss the patient, diagnose them, and are about to release him when BOOM he starts coughing up blood. I’m not sure what their obsession with coughing up/crying blood is, but it’s in every single episode. Not to talk about gross stuff on a food blog or anything…sorry? Anyway, then they attempt to diagnose the person again, something happens to him again, they do surgery, he gets better, the end. Confusing.
Also, people’s obsession with Shia LaBeouf and Leonardo DiCaprio, or as I call them Shia LaBarf and Leonardo DiCraprio. I mean, what? You didn’t hear it from me. All I’m going to say is they’re both not great actors and they do the intense Matthew Crawley stare way too much. We should instead be focusing on talented actors like Christian Bale, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, and Adam Richman from Man vs. Food. Ok, Adam Richman isn’t really an actor, but if my marriages with Christian and Joe fall through, he’s my next choice.
I’m also confused by the Lucky Charms marshmallow to cereal bits ratio. Why for the love of delicious food are there not more marshmallows? Seriously, if I wanted to eat disgusting bland cereal that I’m pretty sure is made up of sawdust, pencil shavings, and corn syrup, I’d just eat Cheerios. But I don’t, because Cheerios are disgusting. Unless we’re talking Honey Nut Cheerios, which are almost as good as Lucky Charms. Almost.
And finally, I’m confused that Yahoo had a search engine. As if people are going to use that over Google. I mean seriously, who says “Dude, the lyrics to the opening song of The Lion King aren’t baaaaahhhhsowhenyahhhhhmamabeatsebabaaahhhh. But just to prove I’m right, let’s Yahoo it.” And if you do say that, then I wish you luck with your future endeavors. You’re going to need it.
Oh yeah, and this cake is amazing. No really, AHHH-MAZING. And it seriously doesn’t taste gluten-free at all. Win.
Gluten-Free Lemon Layer Cake
From Gluten-Free Baking Classics. Everyone should own that cookbook. True story.
Makes two 8 or 9 inch rounds or 24 cupcakes
2 cups granulated sugar
4 large eggs
2 1/2 cups brown rice flour mix (the recipe for it can be found here)
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon baking powder
1 teaspoon xanthan gum
1 cup canola oil
1 cup milk
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
1 teaspoon pure lemon extract
1 teaspoon grated lemon rind
Lemon Curd Filling and Lemon Buttercream Frosting (recipes follow)
1. Preheat oven to 350 F. Position rack in center of oven. Line two round 9-inch layer cake pans with parchment or wax paper and spray lightly with cooking spray.
2. Beat sugar and eggs in large bowl of electric mixer at medium speed for one minute. Add flour, salt, baking powder, xanthan gum, oil, milk, vanilla extract, lemon extract, and lemon rind; beat at medium speed for one minute.
3. Pour batter into prepared pans. Place in center of oven and bake for about 35 minutes (40 minutes for an 8 inch cake, or 18-20 minutes for cupcakes) or until cake has pulled away from the sides of the pan.
4. Cool cake layers in the pans for 5 minutes. Use a small knife to cut around pan sides to loosen cake. Invert cake layers onto a rack, peel off paper, and cool completely.
5. Slice both cakes in half horizontally to create four layers. It is easier to do when the cake has been chilled. Spread each of the two bottom layers with 1/2 of the lemon curd. Cover each bottom layer with one of the two remaining top layers.
6. Place one set of filled layers on a cake plate and spread with about 1/2 cup of the lemon buttercream frosting. Place the other set of filled layers on top and cover top and sides of cake with remaining frosting.
LEMON CURD FILLING
3 egg yolks
1/4 cup+2 tablespoons granulated sugar
1/4 cup fresh lemon juice
1/4 cup unsalted butter, cut into four pieces
1/4 teaspoon guar gum (you can leave this out of you don’t have it. The only reason it’s in it is so the filling doesn’t get too absorbed into the cake layers.)
2 teaspoons grated lemon rind
1/4 teaspoon pure lemon extract
1. Combine the egg yolks, sugar, and lemon juice in a small saucepan and whisk into well blended.
2. Cook over medium-low heat until smooth and so thick that curd coats the back of a wooden spoon (this should take about 5-7 minutes). Whisk in butter, one piece at a time, until completely incorporated. Whisk in guar gum, lemon rind, and lemon extract.
3. Pour the filling into a small bowl and cover with plastic wrap. Chill until very cold.
LEMON BUTTERCREAM FROSTING
1 cup unsalted butter
3 1/2 cups powdered sugar, divided
1/4 cup fresh lemon juice
1/2 teaspoon lemon extract
2 teaspoons grated lemon rind
1. Beat butter in large bowl of electric mixer until light and fluffy. Add 1 cup of powdered sugar, lemon juice, lemon extract, and lemon rind; beat to blend. Add remaining sugar and beat until creamy.