If you cannot convince them, confuse them.

Let’s talk about things I don’t understand. And, no, I did not steal this from Kait. I’ve had the idea for this post written down in an Evernote note on my phone for weeks. Just when you thought it wasn’t possible for me to get any cooler…

Shall we begin with things I actually enjoy but don’t understand? That might be best. Let’s start off on a happy note.

First, I don’t understand House. House as in House, M.D. my favorite show as of late. Only problem is that I just recently started watching it, so I’m stuck watching season 8 on hulu. Basically, I have no idea what’s going on and I just found out a few episodes ago that Dr. Chase (who totally looks like the non-fat version of Cary Elwes, am I right?) is Australian, not British. Yeah. But what I don’t understand is why every single episode is the same. Let me give you a breakdown of House that could easily be every single episode in the series: it opens with the soon-to-be patient doing something boring and then eventually falling to the ground because of hallucinations or passing out. Then the opening theme plays, and it cuts to the doctors at the hospital (I have no idea what their names are other than Dr. House, Dr. Australian, and the Dr. guy who dies in Dead Poet Society.) and some sort of plot involving all of them is established…sort of. Then they discuss the patient, diagnose them, and are about to release him when BOOM he starts coughing up blood. I’m not sure what their obsession with coughing up/crying blood is, but it’s in every single episode. Not to talk about gross stuff on a food blog or anything…sorry? Anyway, then they attempt to diagnose the person again, something happens to him again, they do surgery, he gets better, the end. Confusing.

Also, people’s obsession with Shia LaBeouf and Leonardo DiCaprio, or as I call them Shia LaBarf and Leonardo DiCraprio. I mean, what? You didn’t hear it from me. All I’m going to say is they’re both not great actors and they do the intense Matthew Crawley stare way too much. We should instead be focusing on talented actors like Christian Bale, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, and Adam Richman from Man vs. Food. Ok, Adam Richman isn’t really an actor, but if my marriages with Christian and Joe fall through, he’s my next choice.

I’m also confused by the Lucky Charms marshmallow to cereal bits ratio. Why for the love of delicious food are there not more marshmallows? Seriously, if I wanted to eat disgusting bland cereal that I’m pretty sure is made up of sawdust, pencil shavings, and corn syrup, I’d just eat Cheerios. But I don’t, because Cheerios are disgusting. Unless we’re talking Honey Nut Cheerios, which are almost as good as Lucky Charms. Almost.

And finally, I’m confused that Yahoo had a search engine. As if people are going to use that over Google. I mean seriously, who says “Dude, the lyrics to the opening song of The Lion King aren’t baaaaahhhhsowhenyahhhhhmamabeatsebabaaahhhh. But just to prove I’m right, let’s Yahoo it.” And if you do say that, then I wish you luck with your future endeavors. You’re going to need it.

Oh yeah, and this cake is amazing. No really, AHHH-MAZING. And it seriously doesn’t taste gluten-free at all. Win.

Gluten-Free Lemon Layer Cake

From Gluten-Free Baking Classics. Everyone should own that cookbook. True story.

Makes two 8 or 9 inch rounds or 24 cupcakes

2 cups granulated sugar
4 large eggs
2 1/2 cups brown rice flour mix (the recipe for it can be found here)
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon baking powder
1 teaspoon xanthan gum
1 cup canola oil
1 cup milk
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
1 teaspoon pure lemon extract
1 teaspoon grated lemon rind
Lemon Curd Filling and Lemon Buttercream Frosting (recipes follow)

1. Preheat oven to 350 F. Position rack in center of oven. Line two round 9-inch layer cake pans with parchment or wax paper and spray lightly with cooking spray.

2. Beat sugar and eggs in large bowl of electric mixer at medium speed for one minute. Add flour, salt, baking powder, xanthan gum, oil, milk, vanilla extract, lemon extract, and lemon rind; beat at medium speed for one minute.

3. Pour batter into prepared pans. Place in center of oven and bake for about 35 minutes (40 minutes for an 8 inch cake, or 18-20 minutes for cupcakes) or until cake has pulled away from the sides of the pan.

4. Cool cake layers in the pans for 5 minutes. Use a small knife to cut around pan sides to loosen cake. Invert cake layers onto a rack, peel off paper, and cool completely.

5. Slice both cakes in half horizontally to create four layers. It is easier to do when the cake has been chilled. Spread each of the two bottom layers with 1/2 of the lemon curd. Cover each bottom layer with one of the two remaining top layers.

6. Place one set of filled layers on a cake plate and spread with about 1/2 cup of the lemon buttercream frosting. Place the other set of filled layers on top and cover top and sides of cake with remaining frosting.

LEMON CURD FILLING

3 egg yolks
1/4 cup+2 tablespoons granulated sugar
1/4 cup fresh lemon juice
1/4 cup unsalted butter, cut into four pieces
1/4 teaspoon guar gum (you can leave this out of you don’t have it. The only reason it’s in it is so the filling doesn’t get too absorbed into the cake layers.)
2 teaspoons grated lemon rind
1/4 teaspoon pure lemon extract

1. Combine the egg yolks, sugar, and lemon juice in a small saucepan and whisk into well blended.

2. Cook over medium-low heat until smooth and so thick that curd coats the back of a wooden spoon (this should take about 5-7 minutes). Whisk in butter, one piece at a time, until completely incorporated. Whisk in guar gum, lemon rind, and lemon extract.

3. Pour the filling into a small bowl and cover with plastic wrap. Chill until very cold.

LEMON BUTTERCREAM FROSTING

1 cup unsalted butter
3 1/2 cups powdered sugar, divided
1/4 cup fresh lemon juice
1/2 teaspoon lemon extract
2 teaspoons grated lemon rind

1. Beat butter in large bowl of electric mixer until light and fluffy. Add 1 cup of powdered sugar, lemon juice, lemon extract, and lemon rind; beat to blend. Add remaining sugar and beat until creamy.

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16 thoughts on “If you cannot convince them, confuse them.

  1. Your latest blog is confusing, but amusing. I am happy to say that Adam will not be needed, as you would never bail out on Bale.

  2. Oh my gosh I TOTALLY agree that Robert(Dr. Chase) looks JUST like Cary Ewles! It took me a while to convince mom. We just started the first season and are totally addicted to the show so thanks for all those Pinterent pins pointing us in that direction.
    Also, I think Dr. Chase also looks like the guy in Tuck Everlasting(worst movie/story on the face of the planet). But mostly Wesley. Yep.

    I have never understood the whole Shia Lewhatever-his-name-is. I don’t even like him. Unlike Joseph-Gordon Levitt, Johnny Depp, Christian Bale, etc. where I hear they’re in it and I know I want to see it because it’s going to be an awesome movie. Also Emma Watson.

    I don’t even understand why Yahoo is even around anymore. Google is basically taking over the world. How is Yahoo surviving?

    • His name is Robert? I mean, I knew that. Oooh, he does look like the dude from Tuck Everlasting. I remember reading the book when I was little and liking the story, but hating the ending. And then the movie made my braincells weep.

      I kind of want to see the new vampire movie with Johnny Depp, even though I’m totally anti-stupid vampire movies. But maybe since he’s in it, I’ll see it. I’ve seen worse things because of my love for actors. For example, I watched Little Women and Swing Kids just to see Christian Bale. Little Women is sssuuuppppeerrr cheesy and Swing Kids is just downright depressing. It was worth it, I think…?

      Yahoo is lame. And all their articles have major typos. You know I’m bored when I willingly read their articles.

      • Yeah same here. I read the book when I was a wee lass and enjoyed it, even though I found the ending sad. A few years ago I watched the movie and I’m pretty sure I threw something at the TV when it was over before running into my room and sobbing on my bed for the rest of the day.

        Me too. And I, like you, usually avoid vampire-y stuff. The Twilight obsession ordeal has totally RUINED whatever awesomeness vampires once held. I mean sparkling? REALLY?
        I can only watch Little Women occasionally(as in, like, once a year or less) because it makes me so mad at Jo. I’ve never seen Swing Kids and since I generally hate depressing movies I suppose that’s a good thing. Christian Bale just played a super awesome Batman.

        Yes. Even though sometimes reading Yahoo Answers can hold some entertainment. There are a lot of trolls on there. And sometimes they are very very funny.

  3. Loved this post, Picco! And don’t forget the most ah-mazing actor…. Johnny Depp!! Actually, I kind of like Shia Labeouf (spelling…?), at least in Indiana Jones haha. That’s pretty awesome! And yes, I meant to comment on your other posts…. But yeah it didn’t happen… Sry. U still love me, right? :)

    • Thanks :) Um, that goes without saying. I didn’t mention Johnny because it’s obvious he is the most fantastic person to ever grace the planet. I really haven’t seen a lot of things with Shia in it. I’m basing my opinion on him from Even Stevens and Transformers and his ugliness. No offense to any Shia fans. *sigh* I GUESS I forgive you. Maybe.

  4. Also, if you didn’t steal this idea from me, but had this idea planned for weeks…does this mean…I stole the idea…from YOU?

    • WOAH WOAH WOAH. You can read my mind in the future? That’s one impressive talent. We should make a movie about you. Emma Watson can star as you, Zooey Deschanel can play me, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt can be the evil scientist who trains you to see the future and also doubles as your boyfriend. Yup, it’s gonna be a blockbuster.

      • Have I ever told you I find you to be outlandishly brilliant?
        WAIT I’m supposed to have a boyfriend who’s an EVIL scientist? I usually go for the gentlemanly charming type. I’m kind of a sucker for charm. Less than a sucker for trying to kill people and/or manipulate their minds. Isn’t that what evil scientists do?

        • I’m not sure…but you can always tell me again.

          Let me rephrase that. He’s not I’m-going-to-take-over-the-world evil. He’s more misunderstood-genius evil. JGL would never try to manipulate people and, last time I checked, he was totally charming.

  5. House is good, but yeah every episode pretty much is the same. And that’s okay, I couldn’t tell you who’s who either. Also that cake sounds (and looks) amazing. (Though I’ve never heard of xanthan gum…?)

    Also. The Lucky Charms marshmallows are gross. Just sayin’. :P

    • I’m only watching House because new episodes of Psych aren’t available fast enough on hulu. I may or may not be totally impatient.

      Welllllll, let me inform you. Xanthan gum, along with guar gum, is used in gluten free foods to keep the starches from separating. Basically, the food would crumble way easier without it. Although the only downside is that if you use too much of it, the food tastes sticky. Oh, and it smells DISGUSTING. It has no taste in foods, but never take a whiff of xanthan gum. You’ve been warned.

      What?! Craziness. How about Corn Pops? Or Froot Loops? Do you like those? Because if you don’t, I’m afraid I’m going to have to shun you.

      • Haha try “The Finder.” It’s soooo good! Psych is awesome too. They’re similar, but totally different :P

        Ah, okay. I figured it must be some gluten-free thingamajig ^.^

        Of course I do! Although I can’t eat too many Fruit Loops without getting sugared out.

  6. “(I have no idea what their names are other than Dr. House, Dr. Australian, and the Dr. guy who dies in Dead Poet Society” — I want someone to make a spoof of House using those names. :D Hahaha! And Chase DOES look like a non-fat Cary Elwes!
    Is it weird that I like the Lucky Charms cereal bits? Although I definitely wish there were more marshmallows…
    Without fail, your blog posts make me do two things: 1. laugh, and 2. crave food. Intensely.

    • Hahaha that’d be hilarious :) I’d do it if I were a little more creative…hmmm… Doesn’t he look like him? Now that I said that I really can’t unsee it.

      Eh, a bit weird. I like them too, but there are way too many of them and by the time I get around to eating them (I eat all the marshmallows first…yeah.) they’re all soggy.

      Your blog makes me laugh and crave money to buy awesome clothes. I was at DSW the other day and saw some heels that lace up like ones you wear a lot. I grabbed my sister and was like THESE ARE MARA SHOES! And she’s like uhhh, take it down a notch…please…we are out in public.

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