Phantom of the Soap Opera

I didn’t used to be so emotional. No sir, people used to call me Deadpan Picco. It was kind of a weird nickname, so I asked people to stop using it. But yesterday marked the end of my emotionless days.

To start things off, I woke up yesterday with my stomach hurting like it had been for the past 3 days. There’s nothing worse than a stomach ache, because then you can’t eat as much as you’d like to…no really, it made me upset. Also, I was really tired. And then I went to a wake where I talked to someone who I haven’t really talked to in a good 2 years, then last night he sent me the nicest email I’ve ever gotten from anyone ever, and then I had no appetite (which was the worst part). I was a bit of a wreck. Wow, I feel like this blog has become a soap opera. I need to give myself a soap opera-ish name like Trixie or Zadie, right? Yes? Just agree with me. Let’s speak of happy things. Like raspberries.

If I ever meet someone who told me they don’t like raspberries, I’ll punch them in the face. Mostly because I wouldn’t believe the insanity that they were speaking, but also because I’ve always wanted to know what it’s like to punch someone. I’d probably break some fingers or something, but people on tv shows do it all the time so it can’t be that hard. And now this has gone from sob story to violent. There’s something seriously wrong with me.

I don’t like to think of myself as an anti-fruits and vegetables person, but if I had to choose between eating raw broccoli and cutting my hair so it looked like Kevin Bacon’s, I think you can guess which one I’d choose. And now I shall have really bad 80’s Footloose hair. Although I am anti-healthy food, I really really really love raspberries. I could eat them by the bushel. Or gallon. Or Olympic-sized swimming pool. Or a container the size of my love for Newsies. That sounded better in my head.

Dear Bon Appetit, I’d strongly recommend not hiring me to be in charge of arranging food for your magazine. As you can see, I have kind of a shaky hand/I don’t really care when it comes to presentation. Sincerely, Picco, the girl with no fine-motor skills.

Back to depressing things, back in March someone sent me a recipe for Cadbury Egg Cake. When I got the email I looked at the link and promptly forgot about it. Then this morning I looked at it again and the blog that the recipe was from has been taken down. I was almost as sad as I was when I found out Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise broke up.  Except, not? That being said, if anyone has any recipes to suggest to me, I’d be eternally grateful. As in you have saved our lives, we are eternally grateful. Random Toy Story quote alert. No but seriously, I’d love it if people submitted new recipes. My email address is on my about page. And if you send me a recipe, I might send you some of these muffins…said the liar. Ha.

Look at this muffin (I’m jumping all over the place today). Tell me it doesn’t look like phantom of the opera. There’s only sugar on one side, hence phantom. The Phantom of the Opera is here, inside my mind. DUH, DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH. Oooh, dramatic. I need help.

Berry Oatmeal Muffins

Adapted from AllRecipes (See? Told you.)

1 cup quick cooking oats
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 cup sugar
1/2 cup chopped walnuts (which I omitted, because walnuts belong on a walnut tree never to be picked)
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon baking powder
3/4 cup milk
1/2 cup vegetable oil
1 egg
1 cup berries (I used frozen raspberries and the muffins turned out swimmingly)

1/3 cup quick cooking oats
1/4 cup brown sugar (I used regular sugar and, again, swimmingly)
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon

Preheat oven to 400 degrees F (200 degrees C). Lightly grease 12 muffin cups or stick those fancypants muffin liners in them, which I did because everyone my age uses them. It’s what the cool kids do. Consider me Miles Davis.

In a large bowl, mix the 1 cup of oats, flour, sugar, walnuts, salt, and baking powder. Stir in the milk, oil, and egg just until it looks like batter. Vague, I know, but you’ll know when to stop stirring. Fold in the berries. Scoop batter into the prepared muffin cups.

In a separate bowl, mix 1/3 cup oats, brown sugar, and cinnamon in a small bowl, and sprinkle over the batter.

Bake 20 minutes in the preheated oven, or until a knife inserted in the center of a muffin comes out as clean as my kitchen floor which I mopped today. Do you know how filthy floors get when you have a dog around? I don’t even want to talk about it.


13 thoughts on “Phantom of the Soap Opera

  1. I…wow…I don’t even know what to comment on. There’s just so much going on in this post. Just imagine me smiling and laughing, okay? Oh wait, that’s kind of creepy. Stop thinking it! Maybe I’ll just send you some “xoxox’s” instead? That’s even more creepy…I’m just gonna stop now.

    I guess since you haven’t been feeling well, we can postpone our jumping jack games until you feel better (beside I only did 70 today and I’m kind of scared you may have beaten me…).


  2. At first when you said “just tell me this muffin doesn’t look like the Phantom,” I was thinking “ doesn’t look like the Phantom… It’s a muffin, and Gerard Butler is so much more than a muffin” and then you pointed out the white sugar and it all clicked. haha I blame my blonde hair. ;)

    I’m sorry you’ve been so emotional. Life is hard sometimes…but there will always be good days and the sun will always come out again – no matter how much we like to be Gollum. ;)

    Seriously, this was a great post. Except for the fact that….I don’t like raspberries. *punch* *teeth fall out* *nose breaks* *death of your twin* dum dum dum.


    • I’d reply to the rest if your comment, but I’m still trying to take in the fact you don’t like raspberries. You’re not my twin, you’re a monster…kinda? Ok, I forgive you.

  3. Dear Picco, The fruit doesn’t fall far from the tree/bush. I too love raspberries! I will definitely try this recipe out on my new roomie. If there are any left save one for me in the freezer.

    Love, Mimi

  4. The high school I went to once put on a play (long before I went there) called “Phantom of the Soap Opera.” The girl who played the Phantom ended up coming back to teach in the school. She was my teacher for all four years. ;) Anyway, that’s what I thought when I saw the title of your post. ;)

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