The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows to not share his potato salad with the fool.

When it hardly gets below 90 degrees for what seems like a billion years, and the only friend you have with a pool is in Spain for the month, you have to find ways to entertain yourself. Would you care to hear what I’ve been doing? Rhetorical question. You have no choice.

Lately I’ve dusted off my hardly used brain and thought hey, it’s really hot outside, I should use the oven and stove multiple times a day! In fact, why don’t I just start doing pushups outside wearing saran wrap too? I have the best ideas in the world. And I’m uncomfortably hot 24/7.

If on the off chance you’re ever bored out of your skull like I am, I do not suggest reading Frankenstein. Not only was it much darker and longer than I was expecting, it wasn’t even KIND OF like Young Frankenstein. Not once were the phrases “There, wolf. There, castle,” “Nice hopping,” or “SEDAGIVE?!” mentioned in the entire book. Talk about a let down.

If you have a highly refined palate like myself, you’ll watch only the most educating and inspiring movies. Such as the movie Master of Disguise. Not only did it get a 1% fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes, it also displays Dana Carvey at his finest. Hmmm. If you haven’t seen that movie, please do, so another fellow human over the age of 7 can recite it with me. I’ve seen that movie 50+ times and have not only the dialogue memorized, but the actors’ facials expressions too. Impressed? Don’t be.

And if you’re incredibly bored, you’ll make potato salad. I always try to convince myself that I hate potatoes, and I’m not sure why. I tell myself that I adamantly hate them, and then I do things like go and make this. But this is one of my favorite things to make. I mean, it tastes and looks wonderful. Am I right, or am I right? Ugh, I hate when people say that. I always think “uh, you’re right, but you’re actually not right….YOU LEAVE ME WITH NO OPTIONS.” I’m really fun under pressure. I make this potato salad so often that it has become a part of my life. No one questions me when I make it. I mean, no one comes up to me and asks “Why are you making potato salad again?” That’s like asking “Why are you breathing again today?” or “Why do you want a pair of black and white checkered Vans for your birthday, which is in 28 days?” Dumb questions, if you ask me. For real.

For the members of my fan club who read my blog as ardently as I eat Moose Tracks ice cream (and I’ve been known to consume that delicious stuff multiple times daily), you’ll remember that I’ve made potato salad before. I think I made it back in February, and it’s kind of the same recipe, but I’ve tweaked it a bit so it’s even more fantastic. Who came up with the word tweak? They deserve a sympathy pat on the back. At least they were trying…

Picco’s Potato Salad

(Is that a cheesy sounding name? I could always name it The New Batman Movie is Out in 13 Days and I’m So Excited Potato Salad. Better?)

2 pounds of potatoes (I used 7 medium red potatoes. I’ve made this using Yukon potatoes, but I like it better with red ones. But it’s entirely up to you which kind you use. I won’t think of you as less of a person…or will I?)
6 eggs
1 pound of bacon
1 1/2 cups mayonnaise
1 tablespoon dijon mustard
salt and pepper to taste

Bring a large pot of salted water to a boil. Scrub the potatoes using a vegetable brush, because no one wants to find dirt in their food. Although once my mom and I went out for lunch and she found dirt in her salad and the waiter found me attractive. He only looked at me when taking my mom’s order and kept giving me free refills on my Dr. Pepper. It was nice. Take out the eyes of the potato until they’re as blind as Ray Charles. Is that weird? Yeah. Quarter them and cook them in the boiling water until they’re tender but firm, which should be for 12-15 minutes. Drain and rinse in cold water.

Place eggs in a saucepan and cover with cold water. Bring the water to a boil and immediately remove from heat. Cover the pot and let the eggs stand in the hot water for 10-12 minutes. Remove from hot water, place in a bowl of ice water until no longer hot to the touch, peel and chop.

Place bacon on baking tray covered in aluminum foil. Place into a cold oven, set the oven temperature to 400 F, and bake for 13-17 minutes. Drain, crumble, and set aside.

Chop the cooled potatoes, leaving the skin on. Place in a bowl and add the eggs, mayonnaise, bacon, and dijon. Add salt and pepper to taste. Chill for an hour before serving, or eat it right then and there. I won’t judge.


11 thoughts on “The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows to not share his potato salad with the fool.

  1. I caught the very subtle hint—only 28 days to Picco’s birthday. Speaking of birthdays and movies, The Hobbit is due to premiere two days before my birthday.

  2. Ok, wait – you haven’t see the other three Lord of the Rings?? And have no desire?? And aren’t sure if you’ll watch the Hobbit movie??? *shun* What happened to your love of Aragorn, if you haven’t seen the movies?

    Anyway, I love potato salad. Amazing stuff. And I can tell that you seriously are bored because you posted twice today. ;)


  3. You don’t like Frankenstein?! But it is so good! I read it twice and skimmed it once. Admittedly I only read it twice because I had to read it twice for school, and I only read it a third time (that’s the skimming) because I had to answer some very thorough questions on it afterwards, but I certainly enjoyed the story!

    And I’m going to ignore your lack of desire to see the LotR films. I don’t want to hear any silly excuses for that. ;)

    • It is good, but just not what I was expecting.

      I take back my lord of the rings comment. I forgot I had seen seen them. I was just too loopy to remember it because of lovely pain meds :)

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