1. I unfortunately have to start this blog post off on a depressing note. For those of you who didn’t know, we have chickens in our backyard, because we’re hipster like that. Last night at 2am, an opossum got into the chicken coop, and decided that my mom’s favorite chicken, Rose, would be a tasty snack. Without going into sad details, Rose is no longer with us. And the opossum is playing opossum…in the dumpster. WHACHA. That’s what you get when you mess with my hipster family, you stupid, possibly rabid animal.
2. This week on I’ve Officially Corrupted My Little Brother, we learn that I really have corrupted him. A few days ago I decided to pray with him before he went to bed. So I asked him who he wanted to pray for. He answered with a completely straight face “Mommy, Daddy, and Megan Fox.” Also, about an hour ago he was singing Alejandro by Lady Gaga. And he’s only in pre-school. Sorry, mom. But he does have some redeeming qualities. For example, he uses the words potato, volcano, and tornado interchangibly, which always makes me laugh, especially when the potato sirens are going off outside. He’s pretty adorable. A little crazy, thanks to me, but adorable.
3. Have you ever had a Starburst ball? No? Well, let me tell you all about them. Every time I get together with a friend of mine, we make one. Basically, you take an entire bag of Starbursts, unwrap them, place them in a bowl, microwave them for about 5 seconds just to get them soft. Then, you squish all of them into one gigantor ball of carbs, stick it back into the microwave for another 10-15 seconds, and enjoy. I made it last Friday and my two friends and I finished almost the entire thing in half an hour. You’re pretty much guaranteed to feel like crap afterwards, but it’s worth it.
5. I went to a murder mystery party on Sunday. I was a greaser named Johnny who turned out to actually be a Russian spy. I got to whip out my fake Russian accent, and wear a Harley-Davidson leather jacket. It/I was pretty cool.
6. I somehow convinced my mom to let me buy Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Heath Ledger posters. You will hear ALL about them when I get them. No, seriously. I’ll probably be really annoying.
7. Has anyone watched men’s volleyball during the Olympics? Can we just talk about how disproportioned those guys are? They’re all 6’8″ or 6’9″, have HUGE biceps, aaannnndddd serious chicken legs. It’s so weird to look at. I was laughing at them for about 7 seconds and then I stopped because I was drooling. They are all quite gorgeous. Quite. And the UK gymnast Sam Oldham ain’t too shabby either.
8. It’s my birthday in 3 days. You still have time to order me one of those Harry and David food baskets. Except don’t get me one with cheese or anything. How about just chocolate? And bacon? And Tom Hardy? Mainly Tom Hardy.