Where do I even begin. Well, I guess I should begin by saying this post is pretty long. Bear with me, people. It’s jam packed with tons of pointless info that I know you’ll love.
So first off, I went to the Justin Bieber concert last night. No, I did not pay for the tickets. Noooo no no no. We got them for free. We had 4 tickets so I was going to go with my dad, Sister Celiac, and then a friend since it was her birthday a few weeks ago. Unfortunately, my sister has been sick the past few days and wasn’t feeling well enough to go, and my friend canceled seriously 2 hours beforehand because she had homework to finish. I was a little sad about that. But what’s more sad is that we had 2 extra tickets and I couldn’t think of anyone I wanted to go with. I called my best friend, but she had to babysit, and then another friend was at Les Miserables. I was going through my contacts in my phone and the best I could come up with was my ACT tutor. So yeah, I was a bit upset. My brother Future Chef ended up coming with us, which was pretty hilarious.
We had to wait for almost 10 minutes in line in the parking lot just to get to the entrance of the building. I was totally fine with the long line, but I had to listen to the 11 year old girl behind me smooching her Justin Bieber poster the whole time. Why. I decided to wear my Abbey Road shirt to the concert. I’m not sure what point I was trying to make, but Abbey Road is arguably the best Beatles album. Maybe second to Revolver… Anyway, the guy taking tickets at the entrance said “Hey, I like your shirt.” I said “Represent” and he said “AAAAA-MEN.” We bonded. I wanted to fist bump him, but there were so many girls there that I was literally pushed away. Speaking of teeny-bopper girls, oh my goodness. So. Many. “Hipsters.” The amount of fake nerdy glasses there made me want to go get Lasik, which is saying a lot because I’m incredibly near-sighted and never want lasers near my eyes…if that all makes sense? If you don’t have to deal with the pain and suffering of wearing glasses/contacts, then you should not wear fake glasses. Unless you’re Justin Timberlake. He can pull them off. Also, so many girls had the word “swag” on their shirt. *sigh* Why.
We got to the concert almost right as it started. A guy came out on stage and started to introduce the opening band. I knew Carly Rae Jepson was opening, so I was waiting for her, but then he said “Coming all the way from Australia…” And I was like “wait, isn’t Carly British? Am I crazy? Wait, don’t answer that.” And then I realized that I was arguing inside my own head. Turns out it was Cody Simpson. I know very little about Cody other than he’s Australian and Ellen Degeneres helped him become famous. I listen to his Pandora station occasionally when my sister puts it on, and I like his music. He’s a cutie patootie and he’s actually a pretty good singer and dancer. I mean, he’ll never be as good as Mush from Newsies, but he’s pretty close. And he’s Australian. What’s not to love? I would definitely go see him in concert. He sang 4-5 songs and I knew none of them except for Iyiyi. Yes, that’s the real name. Look it up.
THEN Carly Rae Jepson sang. That chick has an album. What? Since when does she have more than one song? I pretend to hate Call Me Maybe, but I do like it. Kait, you’re not allowed to comment. It gets stuck in my head so easily, though. She sang a few songs off of her new album (again, what?) and then sang Call Me Maybe. Unfortunately, I realized halfway through her singing that she reminds me of a combination of two nasty girls that I know. One is nicknamed Faker Salt and Pepper Shaker and the other is unaffectionately known as Barbie. Oof. Carly kept saying how we were her best friends and I was like woooaahhhh, hold up, sistah. This relationship is moving awful fast. Then she asked if we had a long-distance love and I was like JOSEPH GORDON-LEVITT. HE’S MINE. DIBS. I actually said it out loud, but there were so many screams no one heard me. The only part of one of her songs that I remember went:
“Your heart is a muscle. Your heart is a muscle. You’ve got to work it out, make it stronger. Try for me, just a little longer. Your heart is a muscle. Your heart is a muscle.”
Let’s compare that to another song about hearts:
“Whatever happens, I’ll leave it all to chance. Another heartache – another failed romance. On and on…Does anybody know what we are living for? I guess I’m learning. I must be warmer now. I’ll soon be turning round the corner now. Outside the dawn is breaking, but inside in the dark I’m aching to be free.”
Eh, same thing.
And then Justin Drew Bieber came on stage. Let me come clean for a second. I do in fact have his first CD, One Time. I have all the songs memorized and actually like him for a while. Ok, maybe like 2 weeks… I was hoping he would play songs off of that album, but no. They’re all off of his new one. When the concert started there was some weird opening video playing about I don’t even know what. It was dramatic (but less ghetto, Marie) and then BOOM. Justin descended from the stage attached to a pair of wings that were easily 20 feet long. Breaking news: Justin Bieber is the newest Archangel. He’s come to spread the good news that tween girls think it’s hot when guys lift up their shirt and the girls can see the top of their boxers. This actually happened. A crew member (whom Justin called “bro”) was helping him take off his harness, and when he slightly lifted up his shirt, we all caught a glimpse of his boxers. And, my goodness, the screams that ensued… Speaking of screaming, every time he breathed there was screaming. There was no way the Jonas Brothers concert was that loud. Justin takes off his sunglasses? Screams. Lies down on stage? Screams. People paid so much for the tickets to his concert and he decided to have a power nap on stage for a few seconds, and everyone was totally ok with it. I don’t want to live on this planet anymore.
As if wearing my Beatles shirt wasn’t enough, I rebelled again when he said to put your hands in the air. What’d I do? I did the three finger salute from The Hunger Games. Except instead of it meaning thanks, admiration, and good-bye to a loved one like it does in the books, I wanted to run up on the stage and stick them over his mouth so he would stop attempting to rap.
Sorry to get a bit graphic here, but he did the weird crotch grab way too much. Dear Justin, I’m not sure if you know this, but Michael Jackson did that decades ago. And it was disturbing back then too.
Justin was also wearing parachute pants and gold gloves. I couldn’t tell if he thought he was Michael Jackson or Eminem. The outfits were pretty awful. It was all tank tops and, yes, parachute pants. At one point he was wearing a v-neck undershirt. Why.
About 2 hours into the concert (1 hour of Cody and Carly and 1 hour of Justin), I was seriously bored. I didn’t know it was possible to be bored at a concert. When Justin said “Wow, there are a whole lotta beauties here,” I turned to my brother (who was sitting in his seat and blankly staring off into space) and asked if he was bored. He said yes with way too much enthusiasm, so I looked at my dad and was like “Time to go.”
My favorite part, aside from Cody Simpson, was the smoke, lasers, and fireworks. Yes, there were fireworks. They scared the bajeebers out of me. Bieber bajeebers. Bajeebiebers?*ehem* Right then. Maybe I was just unimpressed because all the things he did I had already seen at the Jonas Brothers concert 3 years ago, like the whole raise-up-in-a-crane-thingie-and-fly-over-the-audience thing. 14 year old Picco loved the Jonas Brothers concert and I still think it was pretty amazing. Back then, I was sure I was going to marry Joe Jonas until he jerkishly broke up with Demi Lovato…speaking of, did anyone else hear her sing the National Anthem at the World Series game tonight? It was amazing. That girl is so beautiful. Attempting to get back on topic here…no. Never mind. I’m done talking about Justin.
In the end, I respect the man…errr, boy? He’s been popular for, what, 5 years now? Tops? Sure, he’s immature, and he uses the words swag and bro way too much, and he’s completely full of himself, but it’s really impressive how far he’s gotten. He seems like a nice enough guy and he loves his fans. I wish him the best of luck with his future endeavors and I’m never going to his concert ever again, which is depressing because I really, really wanted to like it. I was actually pretty sad that I didn’t, but then my mom reminded me “you do realize that you were at a Justin Bieber concert, right?”
That ticket to the left of the Justin Bieber one was the ticket from the first concert I ever went to. I was 5 years old and all I remember about the concert was thinking that it was actually The Beatles performing and that I fell asleep during it. I’m still quite the party animal. Woohoo.