Why Mr. Darcy doesn’t exist

I read Pride and Prejudice a while back and I really didn’t love it as much as I was expecting to. The book is fantastic literature and Jane Austen is a very eloquent writer, but what Mr. Darcy has become outside the book bothers me and I cringed every time he was in a scene. Is there something wrong with me? Maybe. But I hate that all girls strive to marry Colin Firth’s character and won’t settle for anything less. If you have your heart set on finding that perfect man, you have to remember that of all the Bennet sisters, Mr. Darcy married Elizabeth. Maybe we’re not all meant to become Elizabeths because we don’t have her personality and confidence, but that doesn’t mean the other ones weren’t worthy of their own Mr. Darcy. All the sisters are very different and each of them is wonderful in their own way. Except Lydia. Whatever you do, do not become a Lydia. We live in a world of them. These girls are the ones who have become easy to get and throw themselves at guys, and I know too many of them. I really feel sorry for the girls because they’re viewed as fake and easy; usually even by the guys who are giving them attention. It’s funny to joke about haha, I don’t have a boyfriend, but when you become fixated on nothing but getting married and being distraught that no one proposed the second you graduated from high school, then that’s where we have a problem. I also secretly envy the Lydias. My flirting skills involve me awkwardly staring at guys and there might be some drool involved and I’m definitely rocking the vacant expressions.

I’m also guilty of looking for my Mr. Darcy in a way. While I’m definitely not interested in finding a husband or boyfriend right now, I sometimes get upset I don’t have more friends. I try to find my Mr. Darcy in friends and I fail miserably. I have this ideal vision of whom I want as friends and then I get sad when I don’t have them. I have a few very close girl friends, but as for guys, the only boy that I consider a friend also doubles as the only guy who has talked to me more than ten or fifteen times the entire time I’ve been in high school. It’s incredibly frustrating because the only time he’ll talk to me is when he’s not around the popular girls and guys. He’ll text me and occasionally email, but seriously won’t even acknowledge me around his friends. He’s also the guy who doesn’t want to go to college and told me just wants to party. Obviously, I don’t see us being friends once I leave for college next fall since we both have… different expectations from life… but when he actually pretends I exist, he’s extremely nice and has no idea how much I appreciate it. At the same time, it’s so hard looking at him and his friends and thinking why will they talk to the fake girls but not me? And what do the other girls have that I don’t? What I’ve realized is the people that I want to be friends with are actually people who would make me miserable. At one point I was one of the more popular kids (or at least was friends with the more popular kids), but the friends I drifted away from stayed popular and had competitions with other girls to see who could lose more weight while I left to go start a blog and an impressive collection of Converses. I used to beat myself up wishing that I was still close to those people, but I know that what they’ve become is nothing I want to surround myself with. The friends I do have are fantastic. They might not be the ones who always have Friday night plans, but they make me laugh, are always just as excited to talk about Downton Abbey as I am, and I absolutely love them all. The one guy friend I have is with his party friends (who used to be my friends) who are right for him, and I’m with the people who are right for me. Thankfully the college I’m going to has 3000 guys in it so I’ll realize that hey, there’s actually more than one boy my age who will talk to me. Whatever. People are seriously missing out right now. When I become super famous with my blog, my old friends will be crawling back to me. Then I’ll have to be like wait, why aren’t we friends? Oh yeah, it’s because you left me for the more “fun” people. Whoops, you made a dumb mistake. And then I’ll kick them in the shins and run away. Sounds like a plan to me.

You also make your own El Guapo. In perspective, my El Guapos aren’t bad at all. They leave me alone and I just occasionally have to deal with the evil eyes from distant acquaintances and their parents who don’t like me, and the guy who used to call me fat and apparently said horrible things about me to the point of his dad calling my dad to arrange a formal apology from the guy. I never found out exactly what he said, but he weighs 125 pounds and he’s 18 years old. I could squash him in a heartbeat. Ha. But other than that, some of the people I think hate me really just aren’t that interested in me. I pretty much always think that everyone’s out to get me… and this post is basically just a pep talk for myself. As someone once asked me, “Do you seriously think you’re that special that people are constantly talking about you?” And no, I’m not. I hate when people say smart stuff like that. Your enemies are what you make of them and chances are they don’t hate you, they just don’t view you as worth their time, so they avoid you. Or they’re secretly plotting your demise. I’ve heard it both ways.

In the end, there’s no Mr. Darcy to wait for because he doesn’t exist. You have to create him. Mr. Darcy wasn’t Mr. Darcy (Can I say Mr. Darcy more in this post?) at the beginning of the book. In fact, Elizabeth hated him, remember? And he wasn’t too fond of her either. So, what happened? Why did they fall in love and get married and live happily ever after? They changed their idea of perfection and stopped becoming prideful and prejudice (uh, hence the name). Don’t waste your life waiting for a drop-dead gorgeous hunk to fall at your feet singing your praises. That’s never going to happen. I’m definitely not saying lower your standards, but we have to accept the fact that maybe some of us aren’t meant to marry that Italian doctor or Christian Bale (WHY, CHRISTIAN. WHY?!) or be best friends with the popular skinny blonde girl. Your Mr. Darcy is what you make of him. So ladies, stop obsessing over finding the perfect person. If you don’t have a “best friend” or don’t get married for a while, don’t freak out. Strive to become so amazing that people are excited just to be in the same room as you. Do not settle for less than what you deserve, go out of your comfort zone to talk to people (because Prince Charming isn’t going to marry you if you won’t talk to him), and by all means educate yourself as much as possible. Remember that Elizabeth wasn’t stupid and, well, Lydia was. If college isn’t for you, at least read until your brain explodes and surround yourself with educated people. But if you don’t want to, then you need to wake up and smell the Dr. Pepper and realize that you’re actually looking for a Mr. Wickham, and I pity you. And gentlemen, please start wearing bow ties. Those things are cool.

I really need to learn to start talking more around other people so I don’t write the Great American Blog Post every time I have something to say. Sorry.

The Hobbit through the eyes of a non-Lord of the Rings fan. At all.

Let me start off by saying that I’m really not a big Lord of the Rings fan. I watched the movies a while ago and I might have read one of the books. I enjoy them, but I’m no diehard fan. So, I saw The Hobbit last Friday night. I was invited by a friend of the family, JJR, and his friend, The Brit. We decided to go to the 9:30 showing (totally not my idea. I’m not party animal and that was past my bedtime anyway.) and it didn’t get out until almost 1am. I even stayed awake the whole time. I’m growing up, guys.

cooked ground beef

On the way there, we were discussing what we thought our expectations were for it. I was going into it thinking that it would be like The Avengers: dumb but entertaining. Beforehand the Brit and JJR both thought it was going to be a 6 out of 10, and I gave it a zero. I figure if you have absolutely no expectations for things you’ll never be disappointed. That’s my motto. This has been life lessons with Picco. Apparently The Brit thought that I always have interesting critiques, and I wouldn’t want to let him down, so here are my thoughts.

First off, the previews were HILARIOUS. There were two for little kid movies, one for a rated R Al Pacino movie, a twilight wanna-be, and a transformers wanna-be. All looked incredibly stupid. During the movie all I could think about was Friday Night Boredom. The entire time I kept snickering to myself at totally inappropriate times because I was reciting lines from it to myself. Oh hey, you’re dying? Guess what I’m thinking? “I’m a woman. I like boys.” Also their hair was so voluptuous and perfect, and it made me jealous. Now for the non-superficial comments.

ground beef in crescent rolls

The violence was incredibly graphic. There was a lot of implied violence in the other 3 movies, but this one had up close beheadings and nasty stomach slicing.  The special effects were amazing, but I’m pretty sure they knew that because there were a lot of fast sweeping shots that almost made me feel sick. I also feel like they made it about an 45 minutes-an hour too long. Since there are going to be 2 other parts that I’m assuming are also going to be about 3 hours long, the whole Hobbit movie is going to be 9-10 hours long. Since the book isn’t that long, it seemed like they stretched the plot as thinly as possible so it could last longer. The movie seemed to drag on, but I couldn’t place why exactly. Parts of it felt like they were talking really slowly, but maybe it was just because I was getting sidetracked thinking about Friday Night Boredom and how earlier I successfully ripped a hole in my only pair of jeans. On the ride home, The Brit (being British) was talking about how he thought it was weird there were so many different accents in the movie. Apparently there were Hobbits with Welsh accents and some with Cockney accents. I told him, “Honestly, all I noticed was that they weren’t American.” Can people from other parts of the world not differentiate between the different American accents? Or am I just dumb…?

Although there was a lot I wasn’t too fond of, I really enjoyed it.  I really can’t critique the storyline much since I haven’t read the book, but I liked it. I don’t want to get shot-down like I was when I said I didn’t like Matthew from Downton Abbey. Actually, that was pretty funny… I do enjoy Matthew now, no worries.

ground beef and cream cheese in crescent rolls

I’m not entirely sure what to call these

The recipe can be found on Delena’s blog. I added cheese to the ground beef, in case you were wondering.

Merry Christmas to you. Happy Holidays to everyone else.

The Joseph Gordon-Levitt angel wants to wish you all a Merry Christmas. And if you’re not Christian, then Happy Holidays/Tuesday. Also, I got black and white checkered Vans this morning and you probably didn’t. Thank you, Santa, for bringing that, 4 Honor Society posters, an Honor Society shirt, and lip gloss that my mom conveniently wanted. Hmmm.

joseph gordon-levitt angel

My uneventful last day on the earth. Thank you, doomsday, for making me seem incredibly boring.

As of right now it’s 10:04pm on Tuesday, December 20, 2012. Although by the time I actually post this it’ll probably be like midnight because I always reread my posts between 1 and 57 times so I can fix the typos. Also because I make myself laugh with my writing. Sorry for tooting my own horn. I’ll counter it by pointing out that I have officially failed the whole December photo challenge. See? Look how humble I am.

chopped onions

So, what did you all do on this fine last day on the planet? Here’s a list of things I accomplished today:

Slept in until almost 10am.

Finished some data entry I was doing for my aunt.

Realized that I never, ever want to be an accountant.

Helped my brother stir the chocolate chip cookie batter he made. So. Exciting.

Played Hay Day on my mom’s iPad. I’m ashamed that I’m addicted to that game, and I’m even more ashamed that Sister Celiac keeps going on it and using up all my money. ALL I WANT TO DO IS SAVE UP TO BUY A STUPID BOAT.

Recreated the food I made with my friend the first time I ever went to her house. It was about 3 years ago and her family completely intimidated me (not sure why…). I was so nervous, but right when I got there my friend was like let’s go to the store and get some broccoli. So she and I made these broccoli cheese meat things wrapped up in crescent rolls. I’m pretty sure it was at that moment that I realized our love of weird food would make us inseparable. Wasn’t that a beautiful story? Anyway, I left out the broccoli part tonight because I was too lazy to see if we had any frozen broccoli in the basement.

mmm...butter...

Rehearsed for midnight mass. The orchestra I’m in at church is pretty lame. There are 3 violinist (two of which are Sister Celiac and I), and two cellists (one of whom is Future Chef). My mom used to play in it too, so it was pretty much the Italiana Family Orchestra. But for the mass, the choir director hired 3 more violinists, a violist, a cellist, a double bass..ist? trumpeter..ists, and there might have been drums. I don’t know. It was so cold in the church that I think my brain froze. It was absolutely beautiful with the whole choir singing and the orchestra playing, and I think I have frostbite.

Also, here are some conversations I’ve had with various siblings lately. I really have nothing to talk about here, but I figured I’d blog one last time before, you know, we all die and stuff.

Brute Sister: haha, JK.
Me: Do you even know what JK stands for?
Brute: Uh, yeah. Joe Kelly. (In case you were wondering, along with Yadier Molina, Joe Kelly is my favorite baseball player. I may or may not have a picture of him as the background for my laptop. And phone. And I wrote him a love letter that I’m going to send. And we wonder why I scare people…)
Me: …uhhh…?
Brute: Speaking of Joe Kelly, what would you do if he came up to you and was like “Hey, you’re gorgeous. Let’s get married.”

And then she walked away. It was the weirdest 15 seconds of my life.

quiche filling

Me: Goodnight, Corrupted Brother.
CB: Goodnight… Hey, Picco?
Me: Yes?
CB: Am I from Canada?
Me: No…
CB: Oooohhhh. That’s weird. Let’s shake hands and I’ll go to sleep.

Ok, I lied. That was the weirdest 15 seconds of my life.

spinache quiche

Hey, it’s only 11:34. I got this done quicker than I thought, and I even got sidetracked looking at pictures of Joe Kelly. But I’d better get to sleep because I’m waking up tomorrow at 5 so I can witness the end of the world at 5:11. I’ll take a picture for you guys of the meteor or Planet X or whatever that’s supposed to crash into earth. Honestly, I’m not worried about the world ending tomorrow. I’ve lived through 28 doomsday predictions so far, and that’s not even counting the zombie apocalypse that was supposed to happen last year. Besides, the world isn’t allowed to end yet. At least not until I watch season 3 of Downton Abbey. Then it has my permission to end. Because not only do I make myself laugh, but I also control the fate of the earth. Who wouldn’t want to be friends with me? Exactly.

crustless spinache mushroom quiche

Gluten-free Crustless Spinach+Bacon Quiche

Adapted from a recipe on AllRecipes

1/2 cup butter (One. Whole. Stick)
3 cloves garlic, chopped
1 small onion, chopped
1 pound bacon, thawed, cooked, and chopped
1 (10 ounce) package frozen chopped spinach, thawed and drained
1 (4.5 ounce) can mushrooms, drained
1 (6 ounce) package herb and garlic feta, crumbled
1 (8 ounce) package shredded Cheddar cheese
salt and pepper to taste

4 eggs, beaten
1 cup milk
salt and pepper to taste

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C).

2. In a medium skillet, melt butter over medium heat. Saute garlic and onion in butter until lightly browned, about 7 minutes. Stir in bacon, spinach, mushrooms, feta and 1/2 cup Cheddar cheese. Season with salt and pepper.

3. In a medium bowl, whisk together eggs and milk. Season with salt and pepper. Pour into a pie dish and stir to thoroughly combine the egg mixture with the spinach mixture.

4. Bake in preheated oven for 15 minutes. Sprinkle top with remaining Cheddar cheese, and bake an additional 35 to 40 minutes, until set in center. Allow to stand 10 minutes before serving.

5. Just kidding. Eat immediately and happily suffer through the 3rd degree burns you’ll get in your mouth, because this recipe is so dang delicious.

December photo challenge day 14: Christmas tree. Which is impressive since we don’t even have one yet.

We still don’t have a Christmas tree. This kind of posed a problem since today I was supposed to put up a picture of one. So, I did what every creepy person does: I took a picture of my next-door neighbors’ tree.

christmas tree

Dear Mr. and Mrs. K,

Thank you for reading my blog. Also, thank you for putting your wonderful tree in your front window so I could use my stalker ways to take a picture of it.

Love,

Picco

P.S. My mom wanted me to tell you this was entirely her idea. Please make sure to put her name and not mine on the restraining order form.