So, I failed my driving test

Spoiler alert: The title of this post is somewhat misleading. I passed my driving test yesterday,  but the terrifying story of me failing the first time I took it will haunt me forever… ever… ever…

orange-raisin scones

Driving scares me. No, terrifies. Like on a scale of 1 to Amy Winehouse’s teeth, me operating a car ranks pretty high up there. That poor woman was such a mess. An off-duty cop named Glen has been giving me driving lessons. I feel much more comfortable driving with him, and every time I look at the huge scar on his arm from when he was knifed when arresting someone I silently thank my mom for not letting me be a cop. But then I get sad again because I’ve always wanted to go on a high speed chase and taze someone. Okay so maybe those aren’t the best reasons for wanting to be a cop.

orange zest

I’ve done about 10 hours of driving with Glen and not only have we become best friends when he’s not yelling brake brake brake SLAM ON THE BRAKES, but I’ve gotten to the point where I felt ready to take the test. The other day we were driving and without telling me, he lead me to the DMV. Yeah, thanks Glen. I practiced parallel parking a few times (aced it every time), and then walked into one of the most depressing places on the planet. Are all DMV’s required to have off-white walls and floors and smell like sadness? I got assigned the grumpiest lady I’d encountered in a while and she told me to show her to my car. I gave Glen a quick thumbs up and got ready to get my license. We got in the car and I successfully operated my hazards and windshield wipers. Check. We were merrily rolling along and I pulled over to the right side of the road and backed up too without a hitch. And then I met my now arch-nemesis Evil Dr. T-Intersection.

scone dough

I came to the stop sign and sadly didn’t read the sign beneath it that said “cross traffic doesn’t stop.” There were train tracks that crossed the intersecting road and there was a car driving up to the tracks, so I just decided to go ahead since they still had to cross the tracks. Apparently that wasn’t a good idea. Commence freak out from the angry government worker. She flipped out at me and yelled for me to stop the car… in the middle of the intersection. I didn’t and just kept driving since the car was now crossing the tracks and would have hit me. I knew right then I failed because I could feel her burning a hole in my soul and I wasn’t even looking at her. We drove back to the DMV and she hardly waited for me to stop the car before getting out. I walked into the DMV behind her and not only did she not hold the door for me, but she actually pulled it closed. But I vowed I would not eat, I would not rest for a moment until I passed my test. And then I ate and rested a lot and tried taking the test again a few days later. The good news is that I put on my lucky shirt yesterday and passed with an 83. The bad news is that my lucky shirt is a Jonas Brothers shirt. I’m pretty sure I’m the only 17 year old who still wears one of those.

unbaked scones

Not only did I pass my driving test yesterday, but I also shadowed a nurse at a pediatric hospital. Was it awesome? Yes. Was it what I was expecting? No. The actual nursing part of it (putting medicine in IVs, taking blood pressure, checking incisions) was so cool, but I don’t always look my age and everyone asked me what high school I was going to and then was shocked that I was going to college. I was babied by the nurses which was aggravating, but I enjoyed the day for the most part. It’s not something I’ll do again, but I’m excited for nursing school. Thank goodness I still want to go because one of the nurses told me how much she hated it and how horrible it was. Um, what? Aren’t you supposed to be fostering my love of nursing here? Guess not. Thank goodness you didn’t annoy me too much or else I’d have to resort to RUNNING YOU OVER WITH MY CAR. Except I don’t actually have a car yet. And I don’t have my license yet either… but I passed the test, so that’s all that matters.

Oh, and the disembodied hand up there belongs to Future Chef. He made almost all of this by himself, which I think is pretty impressive for a 5th grader. He made the scones, I took the pictures, and I also ate 3 scones. He and I make a great team.

scones with jelly

Orange-Raisin Scones

1 3/4 cup all-purpose flour
3 tablespoons sugar
1 tablespoon baking powder
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 cup butter
1 orange, unpeeled
1/2 cup buttermilk (if you don’t have a stock of buttermilk in your fridge like most normal humans, you can make it yourself using milk and lemon juice. Google exactly how to do it, but that’s usually what I do and none of my food has yet to spontaneously combust)
1 egg
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1/3 raisins
3 tablespoons all-purpose flour
1 teaspoons sugar

1 Preheat the oven to 425 F.

2. In a medium size mixing bowl, measure 1 3/4 cups of flour, 3 tablespoons of sugar, baking powder, cinnamon, and salt and mix until combined. Set aside.

3. Melt the butter and place in a medium bowl.

4. Wash the orange to get off all of the pesticides so you don’t die. Using a grater, grate about 1/2 teaspoon of zest off the orange and place into the bowl with the butter. Add the buttermilk, egg, vanilla, and raisins. Stir until combined.

5. Slowly add the flour mixture to the buttermilk mixture, stirring constantly until mixture gathers into a bowl (about 30 seconds).

6. Sprinkle about 3 tablespoons of flour on a cutting board. Knead the dough on the cutting board about 8 times. For some reason whenever I knead dough I think of that scene in Cinderella when she’s scrubbing the floor. True story. Shape the dough into a ball and roll out into an 8-9″ circle.

7. Place the kneaded dough on an ungreased baking sheet. Sprinkle 1 teaspoon of sugar on top of the dough.

8. With a pizza cutter, cut the dough into 8 wedges. Slightly separate the dough wedges so they don’t spread out during cooking and form one delicious blob of scone. If that happens, lick it after it’s cooked and call dibs. That’s what you have to do around here since there are 7 of us kids. We take our food very seriously.

9. Bake scones for about 15 minutes and cool on wire rack.

10. Enjoy with your afternoon tea. Why don’t Americans have tea time? That’s messed up.

10 thoughts on “So, I failed my driving test

  1. I was SO terrified when I took my driving test; in Driver’s Ed, I passed the mock driver’s test with flying colors, but when it came time to actually drive with a grumpy old man scoring me… I barely passed. I scared him once. But seriously, yeah. I passed with one point to spare. I’m so glad I didn’t fail, because I would have been WAY to terrified to go back.
    Your experience sounds way worse. I’m so glad you passed the second time!

    • I’m so glad I never have to take it again. Also, I think I was about to fall asleep at the stop signs since I had to come to a complete stop for 3 seconds. Who does that? Here everyone does St. Louis stops, which are basically a rolling stop if you’re lucky. My driving teacher told me I was a pro at them. Oops?

  2. I went through a red light on my first driving test, I’m pretty sure that’s considered ‘dangerous driving’ So I consider all of us who failed first time are somehow superior & need extra congratulations all round, especially when extra evil examiner’s are involved…
    Are you sure it wasn’t Miss Finster?

  3. Um, woah, hiatus much?? ;) And yeah, you know the story of me almost plowing someone’s car down…1 minute into the test…while still in the parking lot…embarrassing.


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