My 9 month old sartorialist brother

I leave for college in 27 days and I plan on doing nothing for the rest of the summer, which makes for a lack of excitement on my part. Since I really have nothing to blog about, here’s a picture of the sweet new kicks I bought Spiderbaby.

spiderbaby shoes

The picture is a little blurry because he never stops moving, which doesn’t quite make sense since he’s the fattest baby to ever grace this planet. I mean seriously, look at all those fat rolls. He’s adorable.

We are Cardinal Nation.

As an American, I love baseball. And if you’re American and don’t love baseball, I think we need to go all Survivor on you and vote you off the island. If so, no matter how hard I plead, do not give me a tiki torch like they use on that show. I walked straight into a wall yesterday, so I can only imagine how I’d be around fire and baseball haters.

shelby miller walking to the mound

I think my love for baseball is equal to one of those crazy European football fans who will go beat up fans from the other team after a game. If you ever pass through St. Louis, you definitely need to hit up a Cardinals game. There honestly isn’t a bad seat in the entire stadium, and the higher up you go, the better a view of the arch and downtown you have. We are pretty dedicated, and a lot of diehard Cardinals fans will follow the team all over the United States. Our stadium is almost sold out every game too, unlike the Marlins who have had to close their upper deck because no one was coming to the games (too soon?). We even have our own hashtag. #cardinalnation. Look it up and count how many twitter users should probably have restraining orders against them. Did I mention we’re slightly intense when it comes to baseball?

shelby miller pitching in bullpen

Anyway, one of my best friends is equally as obsessed with baseball as I am. We’ve been to two games this season together and spent our entire life savings on both games. Well, more or less. The first game we got tickets right on the 3rd baseline since her favorite player David Freese plays 3rd base. Aside from our catcher Yadier Molina, my favorite player is the pitcher Joe Kelly. So, of course, we had to go to a game where we could be near the bullpen. I ordered the tickets off some sketchy website… well, Stubhub… and it was row 11 directly behind the bullpen. I thought eh, 11 rows from it isn’t bad. We went to the game the other night and couldn’t find row 11, but it turns out we were looking in the wrong place. Know where our seats were? FIRST ROW FROM THE BULLPEN. WHAT. Not only were we right above the bullpen, but we were right beneath where they shoot off the fireworks. One of the Cardinals — Matt Carpenter — got a homerun, so it was pretty awesome/frightening/deafening to be right below them.

saint louis cardinals homerun

Since we were that close, we not only could hear the pitchers talking, but we could hear the lame ringtone for the bullpen phone. It sounded like a phone from the 90’s. I half expected it to be covered in denim and scrunchies and for a bleached blonde Justin Timberlake to answer it.

mott in busch stadium bullpen

It was one of the best baseball games I’ve ever been to. And the drunk guys next to us told us that we could be included in their inside joke, but we never actually found out what the joke was… Talk about a bummer.

busch stadium bullpen

Also, I’m pretty sure half of the MLB doesn’t speak English. A majority of our players sound like they’re speaking Google translator English. Just some last minute thoughts here.

Wonder why I’m not good with pets? Let me present Exhibit A:

It’s July 7th. That means that summer is half over. What have you been doing this summer? I’ve been watching way too much House, hanging out with fantastic people who are in my freshman class, and killing fish.

Wait, what?

So once upon a time, I decided it would be a good idea to get a fish. My roommate Emily and I thought it would be fun to have one in our dorm. Okay and by that I mean it was my idea to get a fish and all she said was, “…it’s going to die before we even get to college.” I wanted to prove her wrong, so I got one. We named it Harry and he lived on the bookshelf in my room. We even got Harry a trusty Asian sidekick statue named Ramen. Harry’s life was going just swimingly. *snicker* See what I did there? Yes, his life was wonderful… until I decided to take care of him.

The dumb fish wouldn’t eat. He’d eat the bubbles in his water, but wouldn’t eat the pellets unless they were crushed up, which was annoying to do. I took on the role of a loving mother and changed his water and tried not to tap the glass every time I walked by, but I didn’t give him too much attention. Then a few days ago he stopped swimming as much, and then he just sort of floated, and today he was lying at the bottom of the tank. I just assumed he liked sleeping there since it was closer to sea level. Less than two weeks after I paid a whole three bucks for him, poor Harry had kicked the can.

sad fish gravestone

I decided to bury him in the backyard. I wanted other people to be there when I buried him, but only two of my six siblings offered to join me. They were my seven year old sister Brute and four year old Corrupted Brother. Corrupted Brother decided that his full name needed to be Harry Under Fish, so we put that on the headstone/brick. Brute hummed the Storm Trooper theme song as I put him into the makeshift grave, and after placing some of the pebbles from his tank and some fish food with him, Corrupted Brother said “Sorry I gave you a dumb name, Harry.” and we said goodbye to him forever. The sad part is that I’m actually more upset that I have a bowl of nasty fish pee water in my room that I’m too lazy to dump out than I am that he’s gone. #priorities

Also, House is the greatest show to ever grace this planet. The end.