Stuff college students say

You know what would be cool? If we were all born with infused knowledge. Like we were super smart and wouldn’t have to learn ever. It would also be really cool if there were Dr. Pepper and McChicken trees. I’ve been studying like there’s no tomorrow and I’m a little exhausted. I was in the library with some friends for seven hours yesterday and I fell asleep on one of the couches. So, of course, one of the girls I was with took a snapchat of me and sent it to everyone on my floor. That’s what friends are for.

That being said, I need a break from memorizing the differences between divergent and convergent evolution and thought I’d share with you some things that I’ve heard around campus lately. Ready? Brace yourself. I go to school with some serious weirdos.

“Who else is excited it’s Big Cat Week on National Geographic?”
*silence*”

“Does anyone else want to go to a cattle symposium with me? They’re also including a presentation on how Obamacare affects farm land!” (Both of these were said by someone on my floor. Country folk, I tell ya.)

“I used to have a jar that had a dog’s heart with heart worms. I think I lost it, though. How you lose that is beyond me.” – my biology professor

“If I may venture to say, I’d definitely go abroad to buy a kilo of that sort of meth just to sell it back in America. Although I hear that that particular kind destroys your axons and serotonin.” -My friend and I were at breakfast and there was an intense conversation about meth in the booth next to us between what had to be two chemistry majors. It’s so hard to laugh quietly when you’re half asleep anyway.

“Why are they all wearing white shirts?”
“Because they just sang White Christmas.”
“…I don’t get it.”-I went to see the men’s a capella group perform and they put on white shirts to sing White Christmas. Apparently not everyone caught on.

“Have you had these rice krispies treats? They’re like nectar of the gods. Or maybe my food standards have just been lowered incredibly.” -dining hall

“This place is so dirty. Oh well. You kids are paying thousands of dollars and that lets me have a job. Sometimes it gets frustrating, but that’s part of the job law.” – I was at the library attempting to study last night and some poor student had to be berated for a good twenty minutes by one of the ladies cleaning the library. She complained about her job for half of those. Also, does anyone know what a job law is…?

“It’s only when we lose ourselves that we truly find ourselves.”
“Wow, that’s deep.”
“Yeah, thanks. But like I said earlier, please never wear that shirt again.” -Again, a booth next to me in the dining hall

“I think it should be a law that everyone has to play Animal Crossing. I think that would bring about world peace. Yeah.” -two guys studying next to me who were way too old to be playing video games.

Where am I going to college.

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