Fewer toxic people in 2019, more Toxic by Britney Spears

Ah, January 1st. The day where all of us vow to make drastic changes instead of doing the more logical thing which is to take baby steps towards change. So here I am, deciding to blog again and hoping I can actually stick to it. This year will probably be more interesting than last year so I should have more to talk about. I don’t really have any resolutions per se, but there are a few things I’m happy to have out of my life and even more I’m looking forward to. So here are my lists that I’m typing while watching some show on Netflix about the Arctic circle. Thrilling.

Stuff I’m leaving behind in 2018

  • Long hair. I’ve spent almost my entire life with long hair, but as I’ve gotten older I’ve cared less and less about actually fixing it, which has done a number on my happiness. I’ve wanted a pixie cut since middle school but whenever I brought it up to people I got comments like “your features aren’t feminine enough” or “you don’t have the right face shape.” Which was hard to hear when you’re 12 and uncomfortable in your own skin as it is. Finally I decided that I was just going for it.

on this episode of chopped

The entire salon watched me get it cut and I think my hairdresser was more nervous than I was. She let me cut part of it off, which was surprisingly therapeutic, and I got to donate over 12 inches to Wigs for Kids. This is seriously the most gorgeous I’ve ever felt. I don’t base my self worth off other people’s opinion, but I have gotten a lot of compliments. So I’m not complaining. I don’t know if I’m ever going back to long hair. Also there’s my face. Look how happy I am! I swear I’ve been glowing ever since I got it cut a few days ago.

  • Anger. I’m not naturally an angry person at all and it’s hard for me to stay genuinely mad at anyone long-term. Life is honestly too short to waste energy constantly being mad at people who have wronged you. Whether that’s close friends or some random person who irks you, I think the key is to allow yourself to be upset but don’t let it consume you. I’ve gotten much better at it since getting a seasonal job this fall in retail. I’ve always had jobs in food service or customer service, but jeez, retail is the cream of the crop. I had someone call corporate on me the other day because I wouldn’t let her return hundreds of dollars worth of very obviously stolen clothes. She thanked me for being polite and explaining the return policy to her, but somehow she still accused me of being racist and complained to corporate about my manager and me. And later that day some guy asked for my number and when I said no thanks he ALSO accused me of being racist. Humanity, dude. What’s even going on.
  • My black Converse I bought in 2014 since I can see the ground through them. I really need a new pair of sneakers (preferably Vans since my lower back has been destroyed from 10+ years of no arch support @Converse), but I’ll probably just buy a sensible pair of shoes to wear to internship. Which is the least exciting thing ever. No one ever told me adult life would be this boring.
  • Reading books without finishing them. My Goodreads goal was to read 25 books this year and I ended the year reading 11 books at once. Which is surprisingly stressful.
  • Being out of shape. I haven’t run as much the last few months since I took the fall semester off, but this past summer I was able to run 4 miles without stopping. Luckily I have a friend back up at school who was dragging me to the gym every day to lift weights, so getting back in shape is definitely attainable.

Stuff I’m looking forward to in 2019

  • Internship in the spring & fall. In two weeks I start my internship at a middle school. I’ll be working alongside a counselor at a school with over a thousand 7th and 8th graders. I’m terrified and excited, and I definitely have some impostor syndrome flaring up. Everyone from my professors at school to my favorite piercer at my tattoo parlor thinks I’ll be a great counselor, which is comforting. I think being naturally empathetic is a gift that shouldn’t go to waste, so I’m hoping to make the best of it. The rest of my internship will be in the fall and right now I’m planning on doing it long distance somewhere in my home state.
  • Graduation. I’m done in December. Thank god.
  • Working towards getting a second master’s/Psy.D. My school is giving me the option to come back to get a master’s in clinical mental health if I want. Right now I’m getting it in school counseling, but I can spend another year to take a few more classes and do a mental health counseling internship and have two master’s degrees. I’m debating either taking that route or just going ahead and getting my Psy.D in child & adolescent psychology or developmental psychology. There’s not enough time or money in the world for me to accomplish everything I’m interested in which is dumb. Is there a way to be a school counselor by day, a substance abuse counselor by night, and then maybe do some geriatric end of life counseling on the weekends?
  • Doing homework at Starbucks again. At the Starbucks across the street from campus the baristas start my venti passion tango tea with light ice right as I walk in. I don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing.
  • Spending more time with friends. My roommate this past summer has become one of my best friends and she said she’ll have homemade mashed potatoes waiting for me when I fly back in a few days. What did I do to deserve this. I’m really thankful to have formed some fantastic friendships the last few months, but friendship is a two-way street so I need to continue to put effort into them. Because friends do things like make delicious mashed potatoes for you.
  • Cutting back on meat. I don’t know if I can go fully vegetarian right away, but I’d like to cut back on at least red meat. My goal is pescetarian in the next few months. Because why not? Also I mostly only eat PB&J and quesadillas up at school anyway to save money. I live a various glamorous life.
  • Cross stitching. It’s one of my favorite ways to wind-down and I left all my thread back at school, so I’ve been in withdrawal for months. There’s a craft store right up the street which I guess is a testament to how lazy I am sometimes.
  • Blogging. I’ll do what I can.

Oh and this show has confirmed my suspicions that I never, ever want to live anywhere near the Arctic circle.

6 thoughts on “Fewer toxic people in 2019, more Toxic by Britney Spears

  1. My 2019 is off to a wonderful beginning, as my favorite blogger is back in business. I look forward to her next offering.

  2. First of all, everyone I showed your picture to loves your cute haircut. Yes, it definitely fits your face and personality. And, if it makes you feel good about yourself and shine — all the better.

    Second, so happy you are writing your blog again. I missed your writing. I have always enjoyed it.

    I am glad you are back in school and with your new found friends and old friends. Good luck to you in finishing your degree by December.

    Just know your Uncle Joe and Aunt Jane love you! You are becoming such an outstanding young lady with a lot of sweetness thrown in there too. May 2019 be filled with happiness, lots of laughter, love, and joy!! Plus, remember keep up your writing!!
    Love, Aunt Jane

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