Don’t go brachial-ing my heart

It’s 1:30am at the moment. Who knows when I’ll actually get this posted, but there’s some video game tournament going on in the room next to me, so I’m wide awake. I don’t know if I enjoy posting the food that I consume here on a daily basis or if it just makes me sad. I’m thinking sad.

Monday

Dinner

cereal for dinner

Lucky Charms and chocolate milk was my dinner on Monday night. I figured it was the healthiest option compared to the fried catfish in a mysterious brick shape, the chicken bruschetta pizza, or the baked stuffed pork chop weighing in at around 430 calories. And that’s without gravy.

I wanted to attempt to eat well, so I went and got some fruit cocktail.

fruit?

“Fruit.” There are (allegedly) grapes, peaches, pineapple, pears, and cherries in there. The first person to correctly identify them all wins.

Tuesday

Breakfast

breakfast and anatomy

I had an anatomy quiz this morning so I wanted to eat beforehand. Ah yes, it’s our good friend 156% daily value of cholesterol omelet! Whatever. I needed sustenance. The meat marketed as “frizzled ham” was pretty good and the potatoes made me reminisce on better times when there were undercooked hashbrowns instead of those sketchy chunks. The dinning halls got a new brand of coffee which I proceeded to spill all over my pants and hardly anyone said anything. My friends are unfazed by me at this point, which is really nice. It only took me five months to break them in. But I totally aced anatomy and got to poke at different parts of a skeleton’s arm with a stick when naming bones. My lab group finished early and while we were waiting for everyone else to be done I started making up a song to the tune of Don’t Go Breaking my Heart. I realized two things when I was trying to find a way to incorporate the abdominopelvic regions into it:
1. I need to get out of the house/dorm more.
2. I was half singing it all out loud and people were giving me weird looks.

Lunch

pulled pork and salad

No matter how many times I tried to take a good picture of this, it only made the food look grosser. The pulled pork actually only had 190 calories, 1 gram of carbs, and 9 grams of protein. Why I passed up the Big Ole Chicken Burrito that contained 500 calories and 54 carbs is beyond me.

And for the record, nothing in that song rhymes with epigastric, left hypochondriac, or inguinal region. Believe me. I already tried.

Bad news full of first-world problems

My life is so hard sometimes.  Except not really.

bicsuits and gravy

Bad news #1. You know that omelet that I get at breakfast every morning because I assumed it was the healthiest thing on the menu? Wrong. It has 156% of the daily value for cholesterol. I don’t even know how to react to that except for have a heart attack. This morning at breakfast the choices were biscuits and gravy, heart disease in omelet form, scrambled eggs, and the always sketchy sausage patty. I picked the biscuits and gravy because wheat is nutritious, right? I went to breakfast with nine people. Only four talked during it and one guy fell asleep (of course we took pictures). We’re all quite happy the week is over.

Bad news #2. One of my best friends here is transferring to another college. She wants to go into pharmacology and this place doesn’t have exactly what she’s looking for. I guess the plus side is that I’m going to be roommates in the fall with the girl she was originally going to room with, and I absolutely adore her. I’m sad to see her leave, but I think it’s all working out for the best.

Bad news #3. I’m so out of shape. The health class my advisor signed me up for is titled Iron Lung. Yes, you may start laughing now. We had to do pushups, planks, wall sits, and crunches yesterday. Between that and the blisters I’m getting from breaking in my new Doc Martens, I’m in a lot of pain.

salad. again.

Bad news #4. This was dinner. Again. Apparently the contract with this catering company is until 2016. I don’t plan on moving off campus because my dorm is right next to the health science building where I’ll have all my classes, so I’m stuck eating this food until I’m a senior.

Bad news #5. At dinner I overheard one of the women serving food say to another woman “I don’t think any of the pizza crust cooked all the way.” I’ll just stick with salad.

Happy 3rd birthday, Spoonlighting! To celebrate, let’s look at what “food” they serve me at college.

Oh hey, fun fact: the freshman 15 is a real thing. I went back home over break and tried on a pair of pants that I had left there and was completely convinced that they had somehow shrunk in the drawer. I’m trying to be more healthy this semester and cut back on soda and carbs. It’s pretty impossible to do that at my school without just eating salad all the live long day. So here are some of the things I’ve had since getting back. Some of the pictures are a little blurry because I have to sneak take them or I look like a weirdo obsessed with her food. Which I sort of am.

Monday

Breakfast

eggs and hashbrowns

Cheese omelet, under-cooked hashbrowns, and ketchup to make them palatable. My first Monday back and the coffee machine was broken, so I had milk instead. Oh don’t even get me started. It was 7:45 and the people I ate with were all annoyed with the lack of coffee. It was a pretty quiet breakfast…

Lunch

salad

Salad with tomatoes, hard boiled eggs, and lite Italian dressing. I used ranch dressing last semester but I’m assuming this is better for you? I was limited to salad that day because the only food they offered was a 900 calorie chicken and bacon wrap with the entire mayo factory on it,  macaroni and cheese pizza, and chicken fried steak.

Dinner

pasta and sauce

Pasta with meat sauce. I tend to only eat meat from the dining halls when it’s ground up and I can’t see how gross it is. I got a diet Pepsi instead of water and also had an ice cream cone, because the soda and ice cream are the only consistently decent foods here. Well, except when they replaced the vanilla with banana ice cream. That was a very low two weeks for my school.

Tuesday

Breakfast

french toast sticks, fruit, and eggs

THEY HAD CANNED PINEAPPLE. You have no idea how exciting that was to everyone. I also got French toast sticks that were pretty decent, bacon that was incredibly lacking in the flavor department, and, again, cheese omelet. And coffee because I can’t endure 8:30 classes four times a week without it.

Lunch

stir fry

Stir fry that wasn’t too bad. There was too much sauce and not enough veggies, but at least I didn’t feel guilty about not getting a salad. I passed on the deep-fried tofu and opted to put chicken in the stir fry instead.

Last night for dinner my friend ordered a pizza, so I was saved from dining hall food.

Wednesday

Breakfast

eggs and grapes

Skipping the biscuits and gravy, sketchy sausage patties, and corned beef hash, I had to stick with just a cheese omelet this morning. I ate a whole two grapes before I had to give up because they were so under ripe. But that coffee, though.

salad and tater tot caserole

Incredibly blurry tater tot casserole and salad. I tried to justify the casserole because even though it had 320 calories and 22 grams of fat, it did have 16 grams of protein. I added spinach to the salad which balanced it out?

So basically I miss my mom’s cooking (or at least being able to easily cook in a kitchen) already.

And I talked to my academic advisor today about adding a philosophy minor to my nursing major, so I’ll start philosophy classes in the fall. All it will entail is taking about 17 credits a semester and not going berzerk in general. I think I can do it.

How the West (or poker game…) Was Won

Once upon a time, I learned how to play Texas Holdem. And by once upon a time I mean like three days ago. My dad’s brothers and their families have been in town this week and we’ve been playing cards every night. Last night we played for money. I wish this story would end with me winning the money and riding off into the sunset on my noble steed to go buy white high tops because that’s one of the few pairs of Converse I don’t own. You can never have enough Converse. I would know because I may or may not have 14 pairs.

Unfortunately that’s not quite how the story goes. Everyone was out of the game and it was just down to my mom and yours truly. Thank goodness neither of us are very competitive. Hahahahahahahaha. Right. I think she was on the verge of disinheriting me a few times and might have threatened to kick me out of the house. I smiled politely/sinisterly and proceeded to win.

pokerThe game dragged on until almost 1am, but I finally won. I held the money in my hands for a glorious seven seconds until my mom snatched it from me and reminded me that I owed her 100 bucks. Fifty for the money I got when I sold my biology textbook back and fifty that I was charged by my school because I didn’t have my room ready for a new roommate to move in because my original roommate left me months ago. But that’s another story.

Merry Christmas from the Italiana family

My siblings Sister Celiac, Future Chef, Evil Scientist, Brute, Corrupted Brother, and Spiderbaby, my parents, and I (Jeez, there are a lot of us…) just wanted to wish you a very merry Christmas. We hope your day is filled with much happiness and food and love and food and food.

Also, Evil Scientist wanted me to tell you all that -40 degrees is the same in fahrenheit and celsius. And the part of your eye that allows you to see in 3D can see 1/10 of a second into the future. This kid is 9 and he’s already plotting to take over the world. Watch out.