Pasta la vista, nutritious food

I’m not going to say it’s miserable outside, but… Wait. Yeah. It’s miserable.

so much snow

At least the wind chill makes it in the teens or 20s. For a while it was -10 or below.  Speaking of fun, last night my roommate had bid night for her new sorority, and they basically just made her drink vodka and everclear until she was sick. Reason number five billion why I’m not in a sorority. I was with her until 4am because she had been throwing up since she got back around midnight, and I actually think she had alcohol poisoning. I’m absolutely exhausted today and the sun isn’t out. I’m moving to Australia.

It also doesn’t help that I’m still being served prison food.

lemon rice shouldn't exist

This might look appealing, but then again, looks can be deceiving. Like the time I thought a piece of Easter egg shaped chalk was candy. Do you know how awful chalk tastes? I can tell you firsthand that it’s revolting. Whoever designed it like that is a cruel, cruel person. The sad part was that this unfortunate event was only a few years ago…They have a “healthy options” part of the dining hall that almost always has fish and spinach, but the other day they served this for a change. The chicken was decent, but the green beans were undercooked and the rice tasted like lemon/rancid milk. The problem is that after eating gross food you can’t go get normal food. I was craving cereal, but chicken and cereal just doesn’t mix. My meals are usually cut short and I’m hungry 97.5% of the time. And yes, that’s an accurate measurement.

i don't even know what this is

I literally have no idea what this is. My friend got it and all I know is that those green beans were canned and cold and I think there was chicken in that pasta mess.

broccoli pasta

See a theme? Lots of pasta. Basically every meal includes some sort of under/over cooked penne or spaghetti. Pretty sure this was broccoli alfredo and it wasn’t completely disgusting, but you could taste the heavy cream and butter in it and my life flashed before my eyes as I realized I was dying from high cholesterol.

much needed fruit substitutes

This is was my fridge last week. Half the pineapple was gone within 5 minutes and I have been eating the yogurt with special K for breakfast sometimes. The fresh fruit at the Walmart here is ridiculously expensive and it’s cheaper to get gross canned fruit than the fresh stuff. They also have small tubs of fruit that you can buy, like strawberries and blueberries or sliced cantaloupe. But a small container of those is easily $8+. Also, as hideous as that carpet is, I swear it hides every stain on the planet. I can’t tell you how many times soda or hair dye has been spilled on it and you can’t even see it. Okay, college. So you’re doing at least one thing right.

Speaking of hair dye, this happened.

mermaid hair?

I figured if I’m going to be a nurse and start clinicals in two years, I need to get my funky hair experiments out of the way now. It was supposed to be purple, but I dye my hair a lot and the bleach wouldn’t work on the damaged parts of it, so it’s pink and orange at the bottom and dark purple at the top. My 7 year old sister Brute said that I looked like a mermaid, but with legs and I wasn’t as pretty. My family’s weird.

Don’t go brachial-ing my heart

It’s 1:30am at the moment. Who knows when I’ll actually get this posted, but there’s some video game tournament going on in the room next to me, so I’m wide awake. I don’t know if I enjoy posting the food that I consume here on a daily basis or if it just makes me sad. I’m thinking sad.

Monday

Dinner

cereal for dinner

Lucky Charms and chocolate milk was my dinner on Monday night. I figured it was the healthiest option compared to the fried catfish in a mysterious brick shape, the chicken bruschetta pizza, or the baked stuffed pork chop weighing in at around 430 calories. And that’s without gravy.

I wanted to attempt to eat well, so I went and got some fruit cocktail.

fruit?

“Fruit.” There are (allegedly) grapes, peaches, pineapple, pears, and cherries in there. The first person to correctly identify them all wins.

Tuesday

Breakfast

breakfast and anatomy

I had an anatomy quiz this morning so I wanted to eat beforehand. Ah yes, it’s our good friend 156% daily value of cholesterol omelet! Whatever. I needed sustenance. The meat marketed as “frizzled ham” was pretty good and the potatoes made me reminisce on better times when there were undercooked hashbrowns instead of those sketchy chunks. The dinning halls got a new brand of coffee which I proceeded to spill all over my pants and hardly anyone said anything. My friends are unfazed by me at this point, which is really nice. It only took me five months to break them in. But I totally aced anatomy and got to poke at different parts of a skeleton’s arm with a stick when naming bones. My lab group finished early and while we were waiting for everyone else to be done I started making up a song to the tune of Don’t Go Breaking my Heart. I realized two things when I was trying to find a way to incorporate the abdominopelvic regions into it:
1. I need to get out of the house/dorm more.
2. I was half singing it all out loud and people were giving me weird looks.

Lunch

pulled pork and salad

No matter how many times I tried to take a good picture of this, it only made the food look grosser. The pulled pork actually only had 190 calories, 1 gram of carbs, and 9 grams of protein. Why I passed up the Big Ole Chicken Burrito that contained 500 calories and 54 carbs is beyond me.

And for the record, nothing in that song rhymes with epigastric, left hypochondriac, or inguinal region. Believe me. I already tried.

Bad news full of first-world problems

My life is so hard sometimes.  Except not really.

bicsuits and gravy

Bad news #1. You know that omelet that I get at breakfast every morning because I assumed it was the healthiest thing on the menu? Wrong. It has 156% of the daily value for cholesterol. I don’t even know how to react to that except for have a heart attack. This morning at breakfast the choices were biscuits and gravy, heart disease in omelet form, scrambled eggs, and the always sketchy sausage patty. I picked the biscuits and gravy because wheat is nutritious, right? I went to breakfast with nine people. Only four talked during it and one guy fell asleep (of course we took pictures). We’re all quite happy the week is over.

Bad news #2. One of my best friends here is transferring to another college. She wants to go into pharmacology and this place doesn’t have exactly what she’s looking for. I guess the plus side is that I’m going to be roommates in the fall with the girl she was originally going to room with, and I absolutely adore her. I’m sad to see her leave, but I think it’s all working out for the best.

Bad news #3. I’m so out of shape. The health class my advisor signed me up for is titled Iron Lung. Yes, you may start laughing now. We had to do pushups, planks, wall sits, and crunches yesterday. Between that and the blisters I’m getting from breaking in my new Doc Martens, I’m in a lot of pain.

salad. again.

Bad news #4. This was dinner. Again. Apparently the contract with this catering company is until 2016. I don’t plan on moving off campus because my dorm is right next to the health science building where I’ll have all my classes, so I’m stuck eating this food until I’m a senior.

Bad news #5. At dinner I overheard one of the women serving food say to another woman “I don’t think any of the pizza crust cooked all the way.” I’ll just stick with salad.

Happy 3rd birthday, Spoonlighting! To celebrate, let’s look at what “food” they serve me at college.

Oh hey, fun fact: the freshman 15 is a real thing. I went back home over break and tried on a pair of pants that I had left there and was completely convinced that they had somehow shrunk in the drawer. I’m trying to be more healthy this semester and cut back on soda and carbs. It’s pretty impossible to do that at my school without just eating salad all the live long day. So here are some of the things I’ve had since getting back. Some of the pictures are a little blurry because I have to sneak take them or I look like a weirdo obsessed with her food. Which I sort of am.

Monday

Breakfast

eggs and hashbrowns

Cheese omelet, under-cooked hashbrowns, and ketchup to make them palatable. My first Monday back and the coffee machine was broken, so I had milk instead. Oh don’t even get me started. It was 7:45 and the people I ate with were all annoyed with the lack of coffee. It was a pretty quiet breakfast…

Lunch

salad

Salad with tomatoes, hard boiled eggs, and lite Italian dressing. I used ranch dressing last semester but I’m assuming this is better for you? I was limited to salad that day because the only food they offered was a 900 calorie chicken and bacon wrap with the entire mayo factory on it,  macaroni and cheese pizza, and chicken fried steak.

Dinner

pasta and sauce

Pasta with meat sauce. I tend to only eat meat from the dining halls when it’s ground up and I can’t see how gross it is. I got a diet Pepsi instead of water and also had an ice cream cone, because the soda and ice cream are the only consistently decent foods here. Well, except when they replaced the vanilla with banana ice cream. That was a very low two weeks for my school.

Tuesday

Breakfast

french toast sticks, fruit, and eggs

THEY HAD CANNED PINEAPPLE. You have no idea how exciting that was to everyone. I also got French toast sticks that were pretty decent, bacon that was incredibly lacking in the flavor department, and, again, cheese omelet. And coffee because I can’t endure 8:30 classes four times a week without it.

Lunch

stir fry

Stir fry that wasn’t too bad. There was too much sauce and not enough veggies, but at least I didn’t feel guilty about not getting a salad. I passed on the deep-fried tofu and opted to put chicken in the stir fry instead.

Last night for dinner my friend ordered a pizza, so I was saved from dining hall food.

Wednesday

Breakfast

eggs and grapes

Skipping the biscuits and gravy, sketchy sausage patties, and corned beef hash, I had to stick with just a cheese omelet this morning. I ate a whole two grapes before I had to give up because they were so under ripe. But that coffee, though.

salad and tater tot caserole

Incredibly blurry tater tot casserole and salad. I tried to justify the casserole because even though it had 320 calories and 22 grams of fat, it did have 16 grams of protein. I added spinach to the salad which balanced it out?

So basically I miss my mom’s cooking (or at least being able to easily cook in a kitchen) already.

And I talked to my academic advisor today about adding a philosophy minor to my nursing major, so I’ll start philosophy classes in the fall. All it will entail is taking about 17 credits a semester and not going berzerk in general. I think I can do it.

Spoonlighting: verb. The act of starting a blog in which you would cook your way through The Silver Spoon before the end of high school… and then not actually doing it.

I am finally done with high school, and you know what that means. Not only am I off to college, but I miserably failed the whole “finish The Silver Spoon cookbook before I graduate” thing. But I feel like none of us should really be surprised since I haven’t made anything from it since like forever ago. When I tell my future employers that I’m goal-oriented, should I cross my fingers behind my back?

frozen spinach

I leave for college in two months. Isn’t that insane? Remember the 15 year old blogger who had absolutely no idea what she was doing and used too many smiley faces and zero exclamation points? I’ve eased off the smiley faces, but I still detest exclamation points with a passion. When I read things with exclamation points, it’s like I’m about to audition for a Disney Channel show and I’m reading over the script one last time before I throw my life and sanity away. Since I’m off to college, of course I had to register for classes. HAHAHAHAHA it was horrid.

quiche ingredients

Before I tell you all about my adventures in Class Registration Land, let me first toot my own horn and let you know I was a finalist for a scholarship. I applied for this scholarship months ago and don’t even remember what the prompt was, but I do remember I wrote about my blog. I got a letter from them a few days ago saying that they had too many applicants, but I was still a finalist and I got… a $10 Amazon gift card! An exclamation point was acceptable there because it was fake enthusiasm. Oh well, I’ll take what I can get. If anyone knows about any scholarships for white, middle class girls who aren’t disabled or veterans, whose parents are still together, and who have a hard time writing convincing essays on how much they care about green energy, please forward them to me.

uncooked quiche

I went to the college last week for orientation to register for classes and other fun stuff. I got up at 4am because my college is about 4 hours away and the day dragged on forever. Of course, I got to register for classes at 3pm that afternoon. So picture me: I’d already been awake for almost 12 hours, I was grumpy, and all I wanted to do was go home and watch some movie with Joseph Gordon-Levitt in it. And my college was expecting that model homo sapien to sign up for classes for the first 4 months of her college experience. That plan is almost as good as the time when I had a grass eating competition with my friend. He didn’t end up eating any grass while I went all plague of locust on it. I tell that story all time, so pardon me if you’ve heard it before. I’m just so proud of the fact that I ate disgusting grass. I’m going to be a nurse, and all of the nursing majors were registering for classes at the same time as the biology majors. Aside from an intro to nursing course, guess what the ONE required class for first semester is? No, it’s not Women in Buddhism, although that is one of the classes they offer (Um, what?). It’s biology. AND THE STUPID BIO MAJORS TOOK ALL THE CLASSES. They were opening up the biology classes one seat at a time and basically whoever clicked on the one opening first got the class. It was the most intense clicking I’d ever done. It took me almost an hour just to get a seat, and luckily I ended up with an afternoon class. My psychology class on the other hand is Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 8:30am so far from my dorm that it’s basically in another time zone. I actually might walk into the past on my way to get to it.

spinache and cheese quiche

Even though it was an incredibly stressful, long day, I’m glad that I have my classes set for the first semester. I’m really happy with how everything’s turning out for me college-wise. I absolutely love my roommate, I’m in the best dorm on campus, and my suitemate is the RA and seems really nice. Aside from the psychology class on another continent, I think my first semester will go well. So now that it’s summer, I’ve decided to start a bucketlist. So far the only things on it are blog 1-2 times a week, finish at least five books, and watch all 6 seasons of Third Rock From the Sun. What can I say, I love Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

Corrupted Brother – who is 4 years old – ate almost all of this quiche. And I have no idea how I made it because I just sort of threw spinach, eggs, milk, and cheese together. Sorry there’s no recipe… just go look at the pictures again. Or watch Angels in the Outfield. Hey, it could happen.