Pasta la vista, nutritious food

I’m not going to say it’s miserable outside, but… Wait. Yeah. It’s miserable.

so much snow

At least the wind chill makes it in the teens or 20s. For a while it was -10 or below.  Speaking of fun, last night my roommate had bid night for her new sorority, and they basically just made her drink vodka and everclear until she was sick. Reason number five billion why I’m not in a sorority. I was with her until 4am because she had been throwing up since she got back around midnight, and I actually think she had alcohol poisoning. I’m absolutely exhausted today and the sun isn’t out. I’m moving to Australia.

It also doesn’t help that I’m still being served prison food.

lemon rice shouldn't exist

This might look appealing, but then again, looks can be deceiving. Like the time I thought a piece of Easter egg shaped chalk was candy. Do you know how awful chalk tastes? I can tell you firsthand that it’s revolting. Whoever designed it like that is a cruel, cruel person. The sad part was that this unfortunate event was only a few years ago…They have a “healthy options” part of the dining hall that almost always has fish and spinach, but the other day they served this for a change. The chicken was decent, but the green beans were undercooked and the rice tasted like lemon/rancid milk. The problem is that after eating gross food you can’t go get normal food. I was craving cereal, but chicken and cereal just doesn’t mix. My meals are usually cut short and I’m hungry 97.5% of the time. And yes, that’s an accurate measurement.

i don't even know what this is

I literally have no idea what this is. My friend got it and all I know is that those green beans were canned and cold and I think there was chicken in that pasta mess.

broccoli pasta

See a theme? Lots of pasta. Basically every meal includes some sort of under/over cooked penne or spaghetti. Pretty sure this was broccoli alfredo and it wasn’t completely disgusting, but you could taste the heavy cream and butter in it and my life flashed before my eyes as I realized I was dying from high cholesterol.

much needed fruit substitutes

This is was my fridge last week. Half the pineapple was gone within 5 minutes and I have been eating the yogurt with special K for breakfast sometimes. The fresh fruit at the Walmart here is ridiculously expensive and it’s cheaper to get gross canned fruit than the fresh stuff. They also have small tubs of fruit that you can buy, like strawberries and blueberries or sliced cantaloupe. But a small container of those is easily $8+. Also, as hideous as that carpet is, I swear it hides every stain on the planet. I can’t tell you how many times soda or hair dye has been spilled on it and you can’t even see it. Okay, college. So you’re doing at least one thing right.

Speaking of hair dye, this happened.

mermaid hair?

I figured if I’m going to be a nurse and start clinicals in two years, I need to get my funky hair experiments out of the way now. It was supposed to be purple, but I dye my hair a lot and the bleach wouldn’t work on the damaged parts of it, so it’s pink and orange at the bottom and dark purple at the top. My 7 year old sister Brute said that I looked like a mermaid, but with legs and I wasn’t as pretty. My family’s weird.

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That’s it. I demand a hunger strike. Except I might get hungry…

This is what I’m paying thousands of dollars a year to eat.

sketchy chicken and dumplings

If I didn’t tell you it was chicken and dumplings, would you have been able to tell? Granted, it isn’t awful tasting but this whole meal is whiter than Justin Bieber. They had carrots seasoned with cayenne pepper that I passed on. It’s like the people who make up the menu have no taste buds. If you listen quietly, you can hear Julia Child weeping from heaven.

dessert

This was the dessert that they served on white food day. I got a cupcake and a blondie because I knew – chances are – one of them was going to be disgusting. I was right. The cupcake was so dry that I couldn’t even pretend to enjoy it, but the blondie had toffee and coconut in it and I was tempted to go up for a second one.

salad and nachos

I can only eat so much salad, but I made myself eat this yesterday because there was only tilapia with rice, enchilada filling minus the tortilla part, and stir fry that I eat all the time. All of it sounded sketchy especially the tilapia. Raise your hand if you trust yourself to eat fish served in the midwest (far from either coast where, you know, fish are typically caught) made by a crappy catering company. No one? That’s what I thought. The nachos sauce is made with real American cheese slices too!

chicken bowl

Chicken bowls are always the best part of everyone’s day. I think they’re served every other week and they’re basically KFC in a bowl. Mashed potatoes, chicken, gravy, corn, and cheese. Oh, and the water machine has been broken for over a week now. So our options are soda, lemonade, or chocolate or 2% milk with every meal. I’m pretty sure they’re trying to fatten us up for slaughter. That’s the only logical conclusion I can come to.

Last night after eating cereal for dinner yet again I went to my room and bought 24 cans of V8 on Amazon in hopes that I can get more vitamins that way. I give up.

Bad news full of first-world problems

My life is so hard sometimes.  Except not really.

bicsuits and gravy

Bad news #1. You know that omelet that I get at breakfast every morning because I assumed it was the healthiest thing on the menu? Wrong. It has 156% of the daily value for cholesterol. I don’t even know how to react to that except for have a heart attack. This morning at breakfast the choices were biscuits and gravy, heart disease in omelet form, scrambled eggs, and the always sketchy sausage patty. I picked the biscuits and gravy because wheat is nutritious, right? I went to breakfast with nine people. Only four talked during it and one guy fell asleep (of course we took pictures). We’re all quite happy the week is over.

Bad news #2. One of my best friends here is transferring to another college. She wants to go into pharmacology and this place doesn’t have exactly what she’s looking for. I guess the plus side is that I’m going to be roommates in the fall with the girl she was originally going to room with, and I absolutely adore her. I’m sad to see her leave, but I think it’s all working out for the best.

Bad news #3. I’m so out of shape. The health class my advisor signed me up for is titled Iron Lung. Yes, you may start laughing now. We had to do pushups, planks, wall sits, and crunches yesterday. Between that and the blisters I’m getting from breaking in my new Doc Martens, I’m in a lot of pain.

salad. again.

Bad news #4. This was dinner. Again. Apparently the contract with this catering company is until 2016. I don’t plan on moving off campus because my dorm is right next to the health science building where I’ll have all my classes, so I’m stuck eating this food until I’m a senior.

Bad news #5. At dinner I overheard one of the women serving food say to another woman “I don’t think any of the pizza crust cooked all the way.” I’ll just stick with salad.

Happy 3rd birthday, Spoonlighting! To celebrate, let’s look at what “food” they serve me at college.

Oh hey, fun fact: the freshman 15 is a real thing. I went back home over break and tried on a pair of pants that I had left there and was completely convinced that they had somehow shrunk in the drawer. I’m trying to be more healthy this semester and cut back on soda and carbs. It’s pretty impossible to do that at my school without just eating salad all the live long day. So here are some of the things I’ve had since getting back. Some of the pictures are a little blurry because I have to sneak take them or I look like a weirdo obsessed with her food. Which I sort of am.

Monday

Breakfast

eggs and hashbrowns

Cheese omelet, under-cooked hashbrowns, and ketchup to make them palatable. My first Monday back and the coffee machine was broken, so I had milk instead. Oh don’t even get me started. It was 7:45 and the people I ate with were all annoyed with the lack of coffee. It was a pretty quiet breakfast…

Lunch

salad

Salad with tomatoes, hard boiled eggs, and lite Italian dressing. I used ranch dressing last semester but I’m assuming this is better for you? I was limited to salad that day because the only food they offered was a 900 calorie chicken and bacon wrap with the entire mayo factory on it,  macaroni and cheese pizza, and chicken fried steak.

Dinner

pasta and sauce

Pasta with meat sauce. I tend to only eat meat from the dining halls when it’s ground up and I can’t see how gross it is. I got a diet Pepsi instead of water and also had an ice cream cone, because the soda and ice cream are the only consistently decent foods here. Well, except when they replaced the vanilla with banana ice cream. That was a very low two weeks for my school.

Tuesday

Breakfast

french toast sticks, fruit, and eggs

THEY HAD CANNED PINEAPPLE. You have no idea how exciting that was to everyone. I also got French toast sticks that were pretty decent, bacon that was incredibly lacking in the flavor department, and, again, cheese omelet. And coffee because I can’t endure 8:30 classes four times a week without it.

Lunch

stir fry

Stir fry that wasn’t too bad. There was too much sauce and not enough veggies, but at least I didn’t feel guilty about not getting a salad. I passed on the deep-fried tofu and opted to put chicken in the stir fry instead.

Last night for dinner my friend ordered a pizza, so I was saved from dining hall food.

Wednesday

Breakfast

eggs and grapes

Skipping the biscuits and gravy, sketchy sausage patties, and corned beef hash, I had to stick with just a cheese omelet this morning. I ate a whole two grapes before I had to give up because they were so under ripe. But that coffee, though.

salad and tater tot caserole

Incredibly blurry tater tot casserole and salad. I tried to justify the casserole because even though it had 320 calories and 22 grams of fat, it did have 16 grams of protein. I added spinach to the salad which balanced it out?

So basically I miss my mom’s cooking (or at least being able to easily cook in a kitchen) already.

And I talked to my academic advisor today about adding a philosophy minor to my nursing major, so I’ll start philosophy classes in the fall. All it will entail is taking about 17 credits a semester and not going berzerk in general. I think I can do it.

Bruce Wayne enjoys long walks on the beach, saving the citizens of Gotham, and pancakes

Why my college decided to not provide dinner on Sunday nights is beyond me. They offer a speed brunch for like an hour and a half Sunday mornings which I haven’t been able to get because it happens while I’m at mass. But after that pathetic meal-wannabe, we’re left to fend for ourselves. The only food I have in my fridge is three bottles of water, a quart of milk, grapes, and a package of cinnamon rolls that I’m making Tuesday morning. I miss being able to go to the kitchen to eat without having to swipe in using a meal card that proudly displays quite possibly the worst picture of me ever. I’ve gone out to eat a few times and there’s a great incredibly sketchy diner close by that doesn’t have many windows but still has some of the best pancakes I’ve ever had.

diner pancakes

Although I’m not sure what time I should get there on Sunday morning.

i'm so confused...

This diner also housed Bruce Wayne who has obviously given up on the whole “secret identity” thing.

I FOUND BATMAN

I decided to stay on campus for Labor Day weekend and there’s hardly anyone here. It’s fantastic. The normally packed lounge on my floor was completely empty last night and I hung out there with some friends and watched movies and ate sour patch kids for seven hours. And I might have run up and down the halls at midnight. Eh, I don’t remember.

empty dorm

Since it’s so quiet here I spent the afternoon lying on a bench in the quad doing chemistry and reading 1984. Someone came up to me and introduced himself as the founder of a program on campus that I’m trying to be vague about so you don’t find out where I go to college, you creepy person… Basically he takes pictures of students and puts them on the project’s Facebook page to show the diversity of the campus. He took my picture and we talked about Brave New World and dystopian books for a while. Aside from the fact that I’m starving, today’s been a pretty good day.

homework in the quad

I know people whose dorm doesn’t have any air conditioning and even their stuffed animals are feeling it. Luckily it was pretty cool here today. It got up to 103 a few days ago.

no air condition in dorm room

Oh hey, I went to my first frat party. The verdict? Incredibly overrated. I went with a group of friends to a frat house close to campus and it was dark and hot and full of trashed people (which I guess goes along with the whole frat party idea). We left and went to a bar which you apparently only had to be 18 to get into. Or I was breaking the law by going in. But then again, I am from St. Louis and we all live on the edge there. When I was younger I referred to the area I live in as Stabbyville. Who wants to come visit me?! Anyway, back to the party. It wasn’t much better than the other one. None of us drink and I think you have to in order to pretend like those parties are enjoyable. We stayed out until 2ish and then were officially bored so we went to a gyro place and got food, then came back and did laundry. I think everyone needs to go to college just so you can do stuff like that.

The extent of my cooking lately has been these bad boys.

easy mac

They’re 90 cents and almost filling. A guy in the room next to me apparently cooks dinner on Sunday nights for my floor. I’ll offer to help him next Sunday so I can get back in the swing of cooking. I was going to eat dinner with him last Sunday, but Joseph Gordon-Levitt was a presenter at the VMAs. JGL>socialization. Now if you’ll excuse me I’m off to Walmart for some more Easy Mac, diet Dr Pepper, fruit, and air freshener because I’ve been told by multiple people that my room smells like a dentist’s office.