Pasta la vista, nutritious food

I’m not going to say it’s miserable outside, but… Wait. Yeah. It’s miserable.

so much snow

At least the wind chill makes it in the teens or 20s. For a while it was -10 or below.  Speaking of fun, last night my roommate had bid night for her new sorority, and they basically just made her drink vodka and everclear until she was sick. Reason number five billion why I’m not in a sorority. I was with her until 4am because she had been throwing up since she got back around midnight, and I actually think she had alcohol poisoning. I’m absolutely exhausted today and the sun isn’t out. I’m moving to Australia.

It also doesn’t help that I’m still being served prison food.

lemon rice shouldn't exist

This might look appealing, but then again, looks can be deceiving. Like the time I thought a piece of Easter egg shaped chalk was candy. Do you know how awful chalk tastes? I can tell you firsthand that it’s revolting. Whoever designed it like that is a cruel, cruel person. The sad part was that this unfortunate event was only a few years ago…They have a “healthy options” part of the dining hall that almost always has fish and spinach, but the other day they served this for a change. The chicken was decent, but the green beans were undercooked and the rice tasted like lemon/rancid milk. The problem is that after eating gross food you can’t go get normal food. I was craving cereal, but chicken and cereal just doesn’t mix. My meals are usually cut short and I’m hungry 97.5% of the time. And yes, that’s an accurate measurement.

i don't even know what this is

I literally have no idea what this is. My friend got it and all I know is that those green beans were canned and cold and I think there was chicken in that pasta mess.

broccoli pasta

See a theme? Lots of pasta. Basically every meal includes some sort of under/over cooked penne or spaghetti. Pretty sure this was broccoli alfredo and it wasn’t completely disgusting, but you could taste the heavy cream and butter in it and my life flashed before my eyes as I realized I was dying from high cholesterol.

much needed fruit substitutes

This is was my fridge last week. Half the pineapple was gone within 5 minutes and I have been eating the yogurt with special K for breakfast sometimes. The fresh fruit at the Walmart here is ridiculously expensive and it’s cheaper to get gross canned fruit than the fresh stuff. They also have small tubs of fruit that you can buy, like strawberries and blueberries or sliced cantaloupe. But a small container of those is easily $8+. Also, as hideous as that carpet is, I swear it hides every stain on the planet. I can’t tell you how many times soda or hair dye has been spilled on it and you can’t even see it. Okay, college. So you’re doing at least one thing right.

Speaking of hair dye, this happened.

mermaid hair?

I figured if I’m going to be a nurse and start clinicals in two years, I need to get my funky hair experiments out of the way now. It was supposed to be purple, but I dye my hair a lot and the bleach wouldn’t work on the damaged parts of it, so it’s pink and orange at the bottom and dark purple at the top. My 7 year old sister Brute said that I looked like a mermaid, but with legs and I wasn’t as pretty. My family’s weird.

That’s it. I demand a hunger strike. Except I might get hungry…

This is what I’m paying thousands of dollars a year to eat.

sketchy chicken and dumplings

If I didn’t tell you it was chicken and dumplings, would you have been able to tell? Granted, it isn’t awful tasting but this whole meal is whiter than Justin Bieber. They had carrots seasoned with cayenne pepper that I passed on. It’s like the people who make up the menu have no taste buds. If you listen quietly, you can hear Julia Child weeping from heaven.

dessert

This was the dessert that they served on white food day. I got a cupcake and a blondie because I knew – chances are – one of them was going to be disgusting. I was right. The cupcake was so dry that I couldn’t even pretend to enjoy it, but the blondie had toffee and coconut in it and I was tempted to go up for a second one.

salad and nachos

I can only eat so much salad, but I made myself eat this yesterday because there was only tilapia with rice, enchilada filling minus the tortilla part, and stir fry that I eat all the time. All of it sounded sketchy especially the tilapia. Raise your hand if you trust yourself to eat fish served in the midwest (far from either coast where, you know, fish are typically caught) made by a crappy catering company. No one? That’s what I thought. The nachos sauce is made with real American cheese slices too!

chicken bowl

Chicken bowls are always the best part of everyone’s day. I think they’re served every other week and they’re basically KFC in a bowl. Mashed potatoes, chicken, gravy, corn, and cheese. Oh, and the water machine has been broken for over a week now. So our options are soda, lemonade, or chocolate or 2% milk with every meal. I’m pretty sure they’re trying to fatten us up for slaughter. That’s the only logical conclusion I can come to.

Last night after eating cereal for dinner yet again I went to my room and bought 24 cans of V8 on Amazon in hopes that I can get more vitamins that way. I give up.

Don’t go brachial-ing my heart

It’s 1:30am at the moment. Who knows when I’ll actually get this posted, but there’s some video game tournament going on in the room next to me, so I’m wide awake. I don’t know if I enjoy posting the food that I consume here on a daily basis or if it just makes me sad. I’m thinking sad.

Monday

Dinner

cereal for dinner

Lucky Charms and chocolate milk was my dinner on Monday night. I figured it was the healthiest option compared to the fried catfish in a mysterious brick shape, the chicken bruschetta pizza, or the baked stuffed pork chop weighing in at around 430 calories. And that’s without gravy.

I wanted to attempt to eat well, so I went and got some fruit cocktail.

fruit?

“Fruit.” There are (allegedly) grapes, peaches, pineapple, pears, and cherries in there. The first person to correctly identify them all wins.

Tuesday

Breakfast

breakfast and anatomy

I had an anatomy quiz this morning so I wanted to eat beforehand. Ah yes, it’s our good friend 156% daily value of cholesterol omelet! Whatever. I needed sustenance. The meat marketed as “frizzled ham” was pretty good and the potatoes made me reminisce on better times when there were undercooked hashbrowns instead of those sketchy chunks. The dinning halls got a new brand of coffee which I proceeded to spill all over my pants and hardly anyone said anything. My friends are unfazed by me at this point, which is really nice. It only took me five months to break them in. But I totally aced anatomy and got to poke at different parts of a skeleton’s arm with a stick when naming bones. My lab group finished early and while we were waiting for everyone else to be done I started making up a song to the tune of Don’t Go Breaking my Heart. I realized two things when I was trying to find a way to incorporate the abdominopelvic regions into it:
1. I need to get out of the house/dorm more.
2. I was half singing it all out loud and people were giving me weird looks.

Lunch

pulled pork and salad

No matter how many times I tried to take a good picture of this, it only made the food look grosser. The pulled pork actually only had 190 calories, 1 gram of carbs, and 9 grams of protein. Why I passed up the Big Ole Chicken Burrito that contained 500 calories and 54 carbs is beyond me.

And for the record, nothing in that song rhymes with epigastric, left hypochondriac, or inguinal region. Believe me. I already tried.

Bad news full of first-world problems

My life is so hard sometimes.  Except not really.

bicsuits and gravy

Bad news #1. You know that omelet that I get at breakfast every morning because I assumed it was the healthiest thing on the menu? Wrong. It has 156% of the daily value for cholesterol. I don’t even know how to react to that except for have a heart attack. This morning at breakfast the choices were biscuits and gravy, heart disease in omelet form, scrambled eggs, and the always sketchy sausage patty. I picked the biscuits and gravy because wheat is nutritious, right? I went to breakfast with nine people. Only four talked during it and one guy fell asleep (of course we took pictures). We’re all quite happy the week is over.

Bad news #2. One of my best friends here is transferring to another college. She wants to go into pharmacology and this place doesn’t have exactly what she’s looking for. I guess the plus side is that I’m going to be roommates in the fall with the girl she was originally going to room with, and I absolutely adore her. I’m sad to see her leave, but I think it’s all working out for the best.

Bad news #3. I’m so out of shape. The health class my advisor signed me up for is titled Iron Lung. Yes, you may start laughing now. We had to do pushups, planks, wall sits, and crunches yesterday. Between that and the blisters I’m getting from breaking in my new Doc Martens, I’m in a lot of pain.

salad. again.

Bad news #4. This was dinner. Again. Apparently the contract with this catering company is until 2016. I don’t plan on moving off campus because my dorm is right next to the health science building where I’ll have all my classes, so I’m stuck eating this food until I’m a senior.

Bad news #5. At dinner I overheard one of the women serving food say to another woman “I don’t think any of the pizza crust cooked all the way.” I’ll just stick with salad.

Happy 3rd birthday, Spoonlighting! To celebrate, let’s look at what “food” they serve me at college.

Oh hey, fun fact: the freshman 15 is a real thing. I went back home over break and tried on a pair of pants that I had left there and was completely convinced that they had somehow shrunk in the drawer. I’m trying to be more healthy this semester and cut back on soda and carbs. It’s pretty impossible to do that at my school without just eating salad all the live long day. So here are some of the things I’ve had since getting back. Some of the pictures are a little blurry because I have to sneak take them or I look like a weirdo obsessed with her food. Which I sort of am.

Monday

Breakfast

eggs and hashbrowns

Cheese omelet, under-cooked hashbrowns, and ketchup to make them palatable. My first Monday back and the coffee machine was broken, so I had milk instead. Oh don’t even get me started. It was 7:45 and the people I ate with were all annoyed with the lack of coffee. It was a pretty quiet breakfast…

Lunch

salad

Salad with tomatoes, hard boiled eggs, and lite Italian dressing. I used ranch dressing last semester but I’m assuming this is better for you? I was limited to salad that day because the only food they offered was a 900 calorie chicken and bacon wrap with the entire mayo factory on it,  macaroni and cheese pizza, and chicken fried steak.

Dinner

pasta and sauce

Pasta with meat sauce. I tend to only eat meat from the dining halls when it’s ground up and I can’t see how gross it is. I got a diet Pepsi instead of water and also had an ice cream cone, because the soda and ice cream are the only consistently decent foods here. Well, except when they replaced the vanilla with banana ice cream. That was a very low two weeks for my school.

Tuesday

Breakfast

french toast sticks, fruit, and eggs

THEY HAD CANNED PINEAPPLE. You have no idea how exciting that was to everyone. I also got French toast sticks that were pretty decent, bacon that was incredibly lacking in the flavor department, and, again, cheese omelet. And coffee because I can’t endure 8:30 classes four times a week without it.

Lunch

stir fry

Stir fry that wasn’t too bad. There was too much sauce and not enough veggies, but at least I didn’t feel guilty about not getting a salad. I passed on the deep-fried tofu and opted to put chicken in the stir fry instead.

Last night for dinner my friend ordered a pizza, so I was saved from dining hall food.

Wednesday

Breakfast

eggs and grapes

Skipping the biscuits and gravy, sketchy sausage patties, and corned beef hash, I had to stick with just a cheese omelet this morning. I ate a whole two grapes before I had to give up because they were so under ripe. But that coffee, though.

salad and tater tot caserole

Incredibly blurry tater tot casserole and salad. I tried to justify the casserole because even though it had 320 calories and 22 grams of fat, it did have 16 grams of protein. I added spinach to the salad which balanced it out?

So basically I miss my mom’s cooking (or at least being able to easily cook in a kitchen) already.

And I talked to my academic advisor today about adding a philosophy minor to my nursing major, so I’ll start philosophy classes in the fall. All it will entail is taking about 17 credits a semester and not going berzerk in general. I think I can do it.