In which I go to Florida, try oysters for the first time, and get my bronze on.

After almost stepping on a snake, digging 4 splinters and a shell bit out of myself, and falling up a flight of stairs and getting a massive bruise on my shin, I’m home from vacation.

Luckily, those were the only bad parts of the trip. Instead of just rambling on about every aspect of the trip, I’ve decided to do a vacation by the numbers thing, since no bloggers ever do it. Ever. And that’s sarcasm right there. Oh, and I took all the pictures with my phone and some of the quality is a little less than great, but just ignore it, ok? Lovely.

1648 miles from St. Louis to Port St. Joe, Florida, and back. That also translates into 28 hours of driving. All my siblings were incredibly well behaved and I was actually the one who complained the most. I worry about myself sometimes.

1 strange conversation between the manager of the hotel in Alabama and my 3 year old brother. All I’m going to say is the phrase “potatoes fell from the sky.” was uttered.

4 birds I seriously thought were UFOs. Don’t laugh. They were flying perfectly horizontal and looked creepy.

I ate 11 bowls of lucky charms. Possibly more, but I lost count at 11. I also ate oysters for the first time at this cute little place called Papa Joe’s in Apalachicola, Florida. It was the BEST seafood I’ve ever had. Probably because they caught it that morning… But I had some crab cakes, soft shell crab, and bacon and cheese oysters. I was almost crying it was all so good. Not literally. I’m not weirdly emotional like that…

I melted 8 candles when I stuck them in hot brownies. I don’t even want to talk about it.

I heard the songs We Are Young, I Like It Like That, and the School House Rock song about interjections sung by my wonderful siblings multiple times daily. And by multiple I mean at least 50. No joke. I’m amazed I’m still sane.

I was bitten by 4 horseflies, and incredibly stalked by 2. It was so bad that I was going for a walk and the fly was attacking me so I ran a good 500 feet back home. I’m convinced they were trackerjackers.

There were 17 tv remotes for the 5 tvs in the house. As I told my friend, you know you’re homeschooled when you go on vacation and one of your favorite parts is getting to watch cable and eat sugery cereals.

One of my conspiracy theories is that Elvis and Michael Jackson are still alive, and I was right. He’s hiding out in Florida. Another theory I have is that Yoko Ono hired Mark David Chapman to assassinate John Lennon. Hmmm.

I really didn’t take a lot of pictures of us doing stuff because, frankly, we didn’t do anything. The only time we saw people is when we went out to eat and sometimes we’d see people at the beach, but they were all super far away. It was my kind of vacation: sitting around and staying away from people.

And I didn’t even get burned. Whacha.