You know what’s fun? Annoying people. They rank right up there next to Leonardo DiCraprio as my favorite things on the planet. Except, not. I’m trying not to let this one person ruin my life/summer, but it’s not really working. So I shall now attempt to make you become as annoyed as I am, because that’s just how I roll. Ehem. As of a few days ago, the days are now getting shorter. Soon we’ll be back to the sun never rising at all (apparently I live at the north pole or something…). Also, the season premieres of Downton Abbey and Psych aren’t until this fall. And June 22nd marked the 4 year and 6 month anniversary of Heath Ledger dying. Ok that’s more depressing than annoying. I love that guy.
So because I am obviously annoyed, I wasn’t going to blog about anything today because grumpiness doesn’t make for very entertaining blog posts. But then I was going through post drafts I had saved on WordPress and found this from October 17th of last year:
I went on a date yesterday. Yes, my first date. Ever. Who was the lucky gentleman? His name was Craig and we met at the Apple store while he was trying to fix my Mac. It was a bit of a blind date, actually. And it all happened so fast… I mean one minute he’s looking at my computer, the next moment we’re an item, and then I’m pretty sure when he said “Seriously, there’s nothing wrong with your battery,” I know he meant “Will you marry me?” But he forgot to propose and I’m pretty sure he didn’t even know my name. But we were meant to be. I mean, he’s a Mac dork and he has blue eyes. Check.
It would have been the best day ever if I didn’t have to sit through a 3 hour football game. My church decided
And then it stops. So, my question to you is what do you think happened next? What did my church decide? Did it decide that Craig and I should live happily ever after? Are we goin’ find Craig, so you can run and tell that, homeboy? Was Craig actually Joseph Gordon-Levitt? Awkward? Why are the only things I talk about Newsies, Christian Bale, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt? Do I need to get a hobby/life? What’s your favorite food? Why are you still reading this?
Oh, and I’m sorry for making you annoyed. As a token of my appreciation, if you answer my questions or continue the story of When Picco Met Craig, you can look at the picture of my new sunflowers.
Yeah, I’m really boring today. Sorry?
Spoonlighting 
Wait, isn’t “Craig” a pseudonym for that supahella hot guy you dated last fall? You know that one who turned out to be a movie producer/serial killer/escaped convict/raving lunatic?
Or was that someone else?
Marie
No, I think you’re confusing Craig with the guy you dated last year. Burn. Well, except for the attractiveness factor. You got that part right.
I don’t know what your church decided, but I do know that this is very amusing. ;)
That’s usually what I’m going for ;) But thank you!
Your church decided that you and the Mac dork should not live happily ever after. So cross Craig off your list. Now for the bad news. I am sorry to relate that Christian Bale has been killed-in a movie that I have seen at least twice. The neat thing is that he was about your age at the time.
BTW Your blogs are never boring!
What movie is that…? Empire of the sun? You’d think I’d know these things.
That movie is “Henry V”, starring Christian Bale as “muddy-British-boy-killed-by-French-guys”. The only reason I know this is because I watched it for a history class.
P.S. Your church decided you can play in the football game this year. As a bonus, you can run behind the guy who breaks the banner. I bet he’s even better than Craig! ;)
Ahh, I’ve seen that movie.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, no. That’s not funny. And you can’t even attempt to compare Craig to banner-breaker-two years-in-a-row.
Then my church decided…to pick 12 random teenage girls to fight to the death on national television in a simulated jungle environment lighted in such a way as to highlight their beauty while honing their survival skills. The prize was a date with Christian Bale. Imagine my shock when the name of my little sister was read in the town square. She had only just turned 13!! And there was no way she would date Christian Bale while I was still drawing breath. “Let Picco fight instead!” I heard myself shout as I pushed my potentially two-timing sister to the ground.
I VOLUNTEER AS TRIBUTE! But seriously, that would be so worth it. And I would win. That is mahogany.
so it’s settled. i’m carving your bow right now…
Did he say “As you wish” at all during y’alls exchange? Because if he did, he’s probably being told “Good night, Craig. Good work. Sleep well. I’ll most likely kill you in the morning.” right now and soon you will be kidnapped by a short Sicilian, an intriguing Spaniard, and a giant guy who likes to rhyme. But don’t worry, before long Craig will appear in this crazy get up so you won’t even recognize him until you push him down a hill.
All I heard was “you push him down a hill” and I got excited. Imeanwhat?
Are you saying you’ve never seen or read “The Princess Bride,” Picco?
Of course I have. That’s inconceivable.
:D Phew! Sorry, I misinterpreted your response as nonrecognition.
I forgive you ;) Who hasn’t seen Princess Bride? It’s a classic. Just like Newsies…right?
Oh, dear. So many silly comments! I am prepared to tell the real story. And it goes like this…
Your church decided that it was a charitable act to do their part in bringing two beautiful people together. So simultaneously, every member of your church started having computer problems and took them in to be looked over by Craig, even if they didn’t own a Mac. Each one of them slipped in a little compliment about you during their visit, so by the time you went back, he was full force, head over heals, charmingly, dotingly, in love with you without realizing your church’s influence. But when you invited him to your house for the first date, he was so enamored with your food that it made you wonder if he really loved you, or just your cooking. So you took a little break and decided to see him only at work, taking it as a sign whenever your Mac needed fixing. Well, he’s decided that he can’t live without you, regardless of your amazing cooking skills, so he secretly planted a sunflower garden in your front yard and now they’re all in bloom and the picture you’ve rewarded us with is the product of his undying adoration for you. And they all lived happily ever after, honeymooning in England! And you can run and tell that, run and tell that! Homeboy, home, home, hooomeboy! Also, he was Joseph Gordon-Levitt in disguise, but he wanted to make sure you loved him for his own merits and not just for being adorable and famous.
I read “Do I need to get a hobby/life?” as “Do I need to get a hobbit/life?” The answer to the hobbit question is yes. One should never deny themselves a hobbit. My favourite food is generally any food, but I’m currently lusting over a bacon melt I had in Southampton and can’t get my mind off of… also, hot sticky toffee pudding. I’m still reading it because you amuse me, Picco. :)
Ok, I apologize to everyone else, but this is my favorite story. Unfortunately I’ve already killed my sunflower. Nature and I generally don’t get along…
Did Craig get away from his job at the apple store leaving behind evidence? He is so dumb, for real. His daddy taught him good.
Aw, me neither. I love nature, but I’m not good being in charge of nature’s care. I can’t manage to keep any green things or things with blossoms alive.
He did! He left notes all over the store on post-its, professing his love. Just like in “As You Like It” with the tree-destroyer! =O And I can’t think of anymore of that marvelous video to incorporate. :P