But I set fire to the pepper, watched it burn as I googled cookie recipes

*HUMBLE BRAG ALERT* I made a pretty amazing pizza.

It was a roasted red pepper, sausage, shallot pizza with a balsamic reduction glaze. To reiterate – it was amazing… And when I say amazing, I mean I’m skipping re-watching The Dark Knight just to tell you all how amazing it is. Although, since I’m not a huge Dark Knight fan and I prefer Batman Begins, that’s really not saying a lot. Actually, I really prefer the old school 1966 Batman where Batman and Robin wore tights and made awful puns throughout the movie. Yeah, I was born in the wrong decade. In case you were wondering, the pizza wasn’t actually that yellow in real life. I didn’t feel like editing any of the pictures from today, so they’re not *great*. Just to clarify things…moving on…

As if you’re not totally sold on making this pizza yet after I told you that it’s better than Batman, here are some reasons why you should make it:

1. It’s gluten-free, but you’d never know. No lie. There’s a great gluten-free pizza place that my sister with Celiac loves, but even she admitted that my pizza was better. We like to call that an epic win. And by we I mean only I call it that. I’m such a hipster…

2. While you wait for the dough to rise, you can google cookie recipes so that you can make cookies for the highschoolers in your homeschool group. I made chocolate chip cookies last night and brought them to my homeschool group today. I called them segregation cookies, because I wanted to use them to help bring the weird cliques in my homeschool group together. Sadly, even though I was using the power of food, the cookies didn’t really work their magic. So I ate 3 of them.

3. You get to take out your wizard angst  by setting a pepper on fire. Yes, you read that sentence correctly. Setting fire. To food. Does life get any better? Short answer: no. Long answer: yes it does, but it would involve having a lifetime supply of bacon, all the converses in the world, and Ryan Reynolds eyes being farther apart. I’m not the only person who is bothered by them, right?

4. This pizza has bacon on it.

This is bacon. Your eyes are deceiving you. Or, I ate all the bacon in this house, so I had to resort to using breakfast sausage. I’ve heard it both ways.

5. It’s a white pizza. No, not white as in Justin Bieber-esque-white-boy-I’m-so-gangster-with-my pants-6-inches-below-where-normal-people-wear-them white. White as in no sauce, which might be my new favorite way to have pizza. It’s much lighter, while still being filling. You understand.

6. When you make it, you can post about it on your blog and have the title of the post be an attempt at a parody of Set Fire To The Rain by Adele. And when that backfires on you, you can just sit around wishing you looked and sounded like Adele. I know that’s what I do.

7. You get to caramelize shallots, which I kept calling scallions. And then I’d think rapscallion, and then I’d think ” No one expects the Spanish Inquisition.” Because that’s pretty much how my train of thought operates, don’t cha know?

Ok, one last picture of me roasting the red pepper.

Yeah.

Roasted Red Pepper Pizza with Balsamic Glaze

Pizza recipe kinda sorta adapted from How Sweet Eats. Crust recipe copied totally without permission from Gluten Free Baking Classics. Oops?

Crust

Makes one 12-inch round pizza

1 1/2 cups Brown Rice flour mixture (found in this post)
1 teaspoon xanthan gum
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons granulated sugar
1 packet (1/4 oz) dry, quick-rise yeast granules
1 teaspoon olive oil
3/4 cup+1 tablespoon water, heated to 110 F

Spray pizza pans (with ridged bottoms) with cooking spray.

Put all dry ingredients into large bowl of electric mixer and Sir Mix-a-lot it. Get it…? Joke fail. Pour olive oil and warm water into mixing bowl, and mix until just blended. Scrape bowl and beaters, then beat at high speed for 2 minutes

Spoon dough into center of prepared pan. Use a cake spatula to spread dough from center to rim, making sure that it covers the entire pan. Cover with a light cloth and let it rise in a warm place for 30-40 minutes. Dough should double in height. I think my doctor said the same thing to me when I was about 8 years old. He lied, because here I am still Shorty McShorterson. *sigh*

Place oven rack in lower third of oven. Preheat oven to 425 while dough is rising.

Bake pizza dough in pan for 15-16 minutes. Pizza should be a light golden brown and will be cooked through. Remove from oven and cover with toppings of choice. I recommend bacon.

Leave pizza in pan and return to oven for an additional 15-20 minutes, or until topping is cooked.

Topping

2 slices bacon
2 shallots, thinly sliced
2 roasted red peppers, cut into strips
1 tablespoon olive oil
2 garlic cloves, minced or pressed
6 oz. freshly grated fontina cheese (I used gruyere and it tasted fabulous. Just saying.)
2 oz. freshly grated romano cheese, plus more for topping

1 1/2 cups balsamic vinegar

Right before the dough is almost done rising, heat up a (home) skillet over medium heat. Cook bacon until crispy, and remove cooked bacon with a slotted spoon. Add the shallots to the bacon fat and let them cook over low heat for about 10 minutes in the grease. Yum.

Once pizza dough is cooked through for 15-16 minutes, brush surface with olive oil and top with garlic. Sprinkle on the 2 oz of romano, then top with shallots, red peppers, and bacon. Sprinkle remaining fontina and romano on top. Bake for 20 minutes, or until crust is golden and cheese is melty and bubbly.

While pizza is cooking, heat balsamic vinegar in a small sauce pan over medium heat. Allow to come to a boil, then let it simmer for about 15 minutes, until reduced to about 1/3 cup. Do NOT stick your head over the pot to smell the delicious vinegar, or you’ll end up like me when I was making those vinegar pepper things. Remember? Set aside to cool and thicken for 10 minutes. When pizza is finished baking, drizzle vinegar glaze on top. Eat.